Speaking to Me?

This past Sunday our service at church was Awesome. We have recently opened our Monroe Campus of Southbrook Church and our pastor has been speaking instead of us having a video feed until we get the new year started up again. He has been speaking on how to live our lives consistently in certain areas and this week the area was prayer. The whole time he spoke it felt as if he was talking directly to me. You ever have this happen to you? The examples he gave and the questions he asked just made so much sense to me. He explained how most of us tend to end up looking at God as if He is some genie in a bottle granting the wishes we want. We really tend to do this when we read John 15:1-8 but only focus on the verse 7 which states "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you." We confine God to a box, or a lamp if you will, in our lives. We do not allow Him the possibilities of what He can do with us or through us. We begin bargining for things.... "I will never yell at this person or hurt them again if you only let them live". "I promise to use the majority of the money for the church and for giving to people who need things, but please just help me win the lottery." Do these sound familiar? "I promise never to have those old sexual or emotional patterns if you just give me a partner and a family."

Well this is not how prayer works. We don't usually get instant gratification from prayer. God is not a genie or magician and He is not someone we hire to do tricks for us. We do not enlist Him as much as we may try. The purpose of prayer is to talk to God. To be real with God. Does He already know? YES... The why? Because He wants to know you are willing since He did give you a will. Prayer is a place to take our desires and change them to be more like the desires God has for our hearts. These are the desires He gives. One of my greatest desires and greatest needs is to be loved. Today as I was traveling to Physical therapy I was listening to the radio and a song by the Barlow Girls came on. It is entitled I Need You To Love Me . Here are the words:

Why? Why are you still here with me?
Didn’t you see what I’ve done?
In my shame I want to run,
And hide myself.
Yeah, but it’s here I see the truth,
I don’t deserve you.

But I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing you away from me.
I just never saw how you
Could cherish me.

Cause you’re a God who has all things,
And still you want me.

And I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
Yeah, ye-ea-eah

Your love makes me forget what I have been.
Your love makes me see who I really am.
Your love makes me forget what I have been, oh-oh.

And I need you to love me, yeah
I need you to love me, ye-ea-eah!
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me, yeah
I need you to…
oh oh oh oh eo (x4)
Love me, love me, yah

by Barlow Girls

My prayer today is that I will once again give Him my heart today and allow Him to love me and that I will trust that love.

"Therefore confess your sins to each
other and pray for each other
so that you may be healed.
The prayer of a righteous man
is powerful and effective."
James 5:16 (NIV)

My First

The following is a small preview of my very first book. It is a small collection of poetry, art, and a few photographs. My prayer for this book is only that it will be used to honor God and glorify Him, That it can be used to help women and possibly men to be released from bondage and see the unconditional amazing love and Grace Christ has for them.

By Grace

The Ignorance of a Nation or a World?

Today I woke with a simple plan to walk to the voting poles to clear my head and take a moment to think over my choices one last time before voting. Most people who know me, know I hate politics with ever fiber of my being. But, I still consider it my duty to walk in to that building every four years and place my vote for the man or woman who will be responsible to make the decisions that will affect this country and affect the lives of all who live here. When I think of all the things that people try to fight over during election years I think I see more ignorance come out in the nation and in the world than in any other time of the year. The things that people hold dearest to their heart tend to come closest to the surface at those times but also the things that people believe in, give time to, give money to, or think may give them some type of advantage some how tend to show more. People don't hide them as much.

Today as my ballot was given to me and I filled in the circles on the ballot I listened to the people around me talking. I heard a conversation next to me about how the world had changed over the years and how this woman's particular neighborhood had changed. The more she talked, the more she proved my point. She began to talk about how she lived in a small community neighborhood that the houses were nice and clean and quiet but then years later another ethnic group started to move in and how the neighborhood changed. She said this as if they were the cause of the problems that then began to happen. The longer the conversation went on the more ignorance I saw.

Why do I feel or see it this way? When I look at the election and see the arguments going on about the race issue, it makes me angry. We as adults have choices. We can choose to hate and we can choose to remember the past and hold on to it and use that energy to hate and hurt ourselves and others, OR we can choose to FORGIVE and move forward. We can teach real love. My niece is a biracial child. I love her with every part of my being. She has taught me more about love than I can ever imagine. It is funny because the only reason I even use the term biracial is to describe which one in the photo above is her. She would say "I am the brown one." But I don't see color. She has continued to teach me not to. Her cousin is very protective of her. If they can live in this type of love why do we have to learn such hate as adults? Who is teaching us such hate that we are choosing to listen to it and hold on to it?