Creating For My Creator

The Battlefield or Mission Field

2012-01-20T13:41:00.008-05:00

I have a niece who began her second half of seventh grade this year. I am allowed to have her once a week to spend time with her after school. Some days I feel as if I'm on a battlefield with hidden mines and roadside bombs just waiting to destroy the relationship I have with her. I wander at times what kind of alien has invaded the body of that sweet little girl that use to cuddle and sit in my lap for hours just wanting to be near me and copy the things that I did. I had worked with teens for many years at group homes and babysitting but this was different. Each week she gets off my the bus at my house and spends a few hours with me before she is to go back home. Each week I try to take her out to dinner or do something so we are not just doing homework when she is with me. Tonight though, as I look across the table at dinner longing to talk and longing to know what is going on in her world, she sits and reads a book with headphones on and music turned up loud enough for me to hear. She shuts the world out and that world has begun to include me. My heart breaks but at the same time God is whispering to me that it is a battlefield but it is also just one of my mission fields. Though ,I on my own, don't have a clue what language to speak to now communicate with her, God knows and God knows my heart. He begins to remind me of the battle I had as a child in middle school. I wanted to grow up but also be a child. There were so many pressures from my peers and I was bullied. I didn't want to be forced to talk and I wanted my privacy. I had so many things going on inside me that I didn't understand and other things around me that I didn't understand. God also reminded me how He never forced me to love Him or come to Him to talk but allowed me the space and the time to learn His love for me through His faithfulness and His consistent actions in my life. So as much as I wanted to talk, I wouldn't force it. I occasionally ask small direct questions and simply listened as she spoke. I also bought the book Queen Bees and the Wannabees. It's a little book that just describes the roles some kids play in the teen years and how it affects the personality and decisions our kids make. It helps to see how we only have a moment to make a choice that could push our child in one direction or another, possibly one we don't want. Our children have their own minds and their own choices to make. God says to " Train up a child in the way he should go; even when he is old he will not depart from it." Proverbs 22:6 We have to take an ACTIVE role in their lives but we also have to leave them in God's hands and trust that we have chosen to allow God to work through us to use this as a mission field for His Glory. Know your child and the choices he or she is having to make. Trust that God has "...train[e] your hand for battle. " 2 Samuel 22:35 , that He is your strength, and that He will guide you no matter what battlefield has become your mission field.

2011-09-01T16:11:00.002-04:00

Find more photos like this on The Photography Network - PictureSocial

Munchy Mondays

2011-08-15T12:56:00.005-04:00

I have been thinking about writing and decided to change some of the flow of my blog. So, Today is Munchy Monday. From now own each day will be a little different. Monday's I am going to set aside for a new recipe I have discovered or an old favorite from my childhood that I just want to share. Food has always played an important role of some kind in my life. It has at times been a bad one, as I use it for comfort, and at times it has been a good role like the memories I have of sharing times with my grandmother making cookies or getting special treats. The recipe I want to share today is one I got from my aunt. When I was very little my aunt lived in Boston, MA. The one time I remember going to her house there was amazing. She took me to the Boston Museum of Science. I will never forget that experience as it taught me A lot. The thing I remember most about my aunt though is that when she moved to NC she brought so many new recipes and foods with her that was a change from my normal southern food experiences. I have always hated fruitcake. That is until one christmas my aunt introduced this recipe to me. I have loved it ever since. So today I share it with you. It does have a great deal of sugar and sweetness so I personally can only eat little bits at a time but hope you enjoy it and hope it will satisfy some of your need for munchies on this Monday.

Ice Box Fruitcake

2 lbs Pecans chopped
2 lbs English Walnuts chopped
3 bags of Marshmallows (equaling 3 lbs)
2 lbs Candied Fruit
2 Boxes of Raisins
2 Cans of CONDENSED Milk
2 Boxes of Graham Crackers

Crush Graham Crackers
Melt Marshmallows
Add Milk to Melted Marshmallows
Mix all ingredients together
Line 4 Loaf Pans with Wax Paper
Press Mixture into Pans
Cool
Cut into bars and place in Ziploc Bags
Keep in Fridge or Freezer

Wishing

2011-06-18T16:45:00.009-04:00

Found this site that allows you to see wish list for anything. It's kinda like when you want to see a wedding registry except you can make any type list and allow others to see it. Thought I'd share by making my own wish list and sharing it with you. This is a beginning to my birthday wish list. Make your own and share with others.
http://www.yourlistonline.com/showLists.php?listID=14970

The Mountains Fell Into The Sea

2011-05-18T14:54:00.007-04:00

Losing something or someone is always hard. We all tend to handle loss in many different ways. Some of us jump right back into our daily routine hoping it will ease the pain. Others, can't seem to function on the daily task much less focus on all the many task that come with the loss. No one way is the right way, but in our minds we all question this as well as question many other things about the universe. Recently many of my friends have lost someone dear to them. It is hard for me to ever know what to say even though I myself have lost a lot in my own life. It seems to be especially hard when someone looses a child. A friend I grew up with lost his six year old son this week. I have not seen him in 22 years but it still breaks my heart that he lost his child. I know it may be extremely odd that I would be writing about the loss of a child when I have not be given the privilege of having children of my own. Someone else we know lost His son. He gave up His son actually, for us. He like any father love His son. He loves all of His children including you and I. "There is no one God does not love with all that He is. His love reaches beyond every sin and failure, hoping that at some moment every person will come to know just how loved he or she is." (He Loves Me! by Wayne Jacobsen) We tend to look at God as no longer loving us when things like the loss of a child happens or when we have a bad day or lose our house or our job. God does not love us based on our performance nor on our life circumstances. He loves us soley because He is an Awesome God. This never changes so His love never changes.

"Though the earth give way and the mountains fall into the sea, you need not fear!"
Psalm 46:2

God's peace can settle our hearts if we only hold to these truths no matter how we choose to deal with or handle our losses.

Clarity in the Foggy Haze

2010-10-04T20:30:00.008-04:00

London is known for it's dense hazy fog/smog. Wikipedia defines the conditions for haze as "Haze often occurs when dust and smoke particles accumulate in relatively dry air. When weather conditions block the dispersal of smoke and other pollutants they concentrate and form a usually low-hanging shroud that impairs visibility." On December 4th, 1952 London experienced a fog condition that was made worse by the chimney smoke, vehicle exhaust and other pollutants in the air. These pollutants didn't move around due to a lack of wind movement for four days. At first the people of london were not scared of this. They were use to the fog. But after medical statistics had been gathered, 4000 people were shown to have been killed in the fog.

This fog is not much different than the hazy fog I have found to be a condition in my on life at times. The things, situations, or people around me seem to become very dense and begin to suffocate and crowd out the clarity in my life. I begin focusing more on my doubts and more on those little messages of The Liar, The deceiver, The evil one. These messages only add to the dense fog I feel and begin to become stagnant and not move. These messages begin to take away the clarity of The Truth, The one who never leaves me lonely or alone, The Savior, The Way. I get to a point where all I feel is lonely and I focus on this and the fact that no one really understands.

"But I go before you as well as alongside you,

so you are never alone. Do not expect anyone

to understand fully my ways with you, any more

than you can comprehend My dealings with others.

I am revealing to you the path of Life day by day,

and moment by moment. As I said to my disciple

Peter, so I repeat to you: Follow me."

This was written by Sarah Young in Jesus Calling.

God is with me every moment even in those moments I feel like I am trying to decipher the writing on the wall or trying to find the words in the puzzle the world around me has lay before me. The more I focus on the puzzle, the more I tend to live based on the Tree of the Knowledge of Life and Death. I begin looking at things from the perspective of what is wrong and right and I begin to "try harder" to live the way I think God wants me to live or try to be more "Christlike". I, like Adam and Eve, begin to lose site of the fact that I am already "Christlike" because

God himself said, "Let us make man in Our image,

according to Our likeness"…God created man

in His own image, in the image of God He created him;

male and female He created them… God saw all that He

had made, and behold, it was very good."

(Genesis 1:26-31)

I was Created in His image from the beginning and yet when life becomes hazy and I lose site of this path He has me on day to day I try to improve on something that is already right. Steve McVey wrote "Watchman Nee once described it this way:"Oh, the folly of trying to enter a room that you're already in."

I want out of the fog, the haze, the thing that takes away my clarity. In order to do this though I must trust, simply trust as some say. Trusting has never been simple for me though. But Jesus says "Follow Me".

David wrote:

"Your word is a lamp to my feet and a light for my path."

(Psalm 119:105)

Am I willing to use that lamp and trust Him with the path He has me on no matter the haze or how dense the haze gets? It is now my nature to do so because His spirit is in me but am I willing to not fight that nature today, this moment? Living this life requires me to just trust and let go allowing him to be my strength and my sight and my guide.

Take me Lord and teach me. Help me today by being my strength, my sight, and my guide. Open my eyes that I may see. Open my ears that I may hear. Open my heart that that I may know you more!

In and Through Me

2010-08-14T22:01:00.006-04:00

I sat watching a movie I never dreamed of watching solely to spend time with those around me at that moment. I had come to believe the things I chose to place in my mind can be very powerful to a point. As I sat and listened, I found myself analyzing each piece of the movie as I was taught in a class I had taken in college. But the things that affected me the most were the reactions of those who were watching the movie with me. They questioned why the girl in the movie didn't like the actions of her boyfriend, the main character, and broke up with him. During this particular scene, the main character goes to the counter of a restaurant to get his order. A man walks up beside him to rob the cashier and he nonchalantly walks away as if he saw nothing. As he continues to walk, he then knocks over a high chair that contains a baby because he is not watching where he is walking. He does nothing to help the baby up or to comfort the parents. Then the final act he blatantly disregards is an act of murder going on right beside him. His actions are a bit dramatic to make a point but as I watched the movie, I heard someone in the room say "What was wrong with what he was doing?" I began to think of the verse saying "The knowledge of the secrets of the kingdom

of God has been given to you, but to others

I speak in parables, so that, " 'though seeing,

they may not see; though hearing,

they may not understand.

I personally asked myself if most people in life really go through life not caring this much. This verse slowly reminded me that God has given me The Spirit to stay with me and live in and through me. If I am choosing to act in another manner, then it is because He is living in and through me. This is something that not everyone has chosen. When I was young, we always sang a song called "They Will Know Us By Our Love" at camp each summer. This action of love is not why God loves us. It can't change how much He loves us. But it can show others that He lives through us. For a long time I saw that I was trying to convince others to see Christ or live for Him. This is not what He wants. He wants to live IN and THROUGH me. He will do all the work to have them see who He is. I have to be willing to abide in Him and allow Him to work through me. I have to be willing to walk through life doing what the world is doing and just passing the hurting by. The situations of hurt around you may not be as dramatic as this movie, but they are there. They are all around us and God wants everyone to see who He really is and that He cares. Will you allow Him to use you and abide in you?

For Him and Him ALONE

2010-08-07T23:35:00.009-04:00

As most of you know I have taken quite a bit of time off from writing on my blog. I could give you easy answers as to why I chose to do so but they really wouldn't get my message across. For a long time those easy answers were all I had though. I couldn't explain what was going on with me. At times I still can't. But the other day I decided to go and read through the blogs I like to try to keep up with. One in particular caught my eye and my heart pretty strongly. It was called "Motives and Ministry" by Leslie Nease. Leslie states "There's a fine line between promoting the message God has given you and promoting yourself" This statement really hit me hard.

Who was I really writing for. I had begun to question that as I would catch myself going to check who had written a comment or if anyone new was following my blog. As an artist who loves to write the world around me tells me that others' opinions are what will make my work move and sell itself. Others opinions are what began to give me some sense of value. This wasn't much different from most of my personal life and the way I had looked at myself. I looked to other people and things to define who I was. The more I began to notice this when I wrote, the more annoyed I became with myself. This was not who I wanted to be anymore. I am a child of God and this is what I wanted to define me alone. Today I can honestly say I have never really sold a painting, but I have sold a few drawings. I have never sold a piece of writing but I have been published in something small. I can also say I am finally content with this. God knows what I do but most of all He knows where my heart is and this is what finally matters to me. The one that created the heavens and the mountains and the world knows me by name and knows what I am capable of and who I am. This is what matters to me most. I am not making millions with my art and my writing but when God is ready for me to do anything with it then He will show me. If He never does then it is okay because He will have something for me.

This past week, I had a major battle with Satan in my mind. He is the deceiver, a liar, and the evil one. He once again tried to convince me that:

I was no good and never would be
That others in my life where only trying to pacify me and get me to think I was their friend
That I could never Really be loved after the things I have done
and that I would Never find any sense of happiness in this life

Because it had mattered to me for so long what others thought, this battle was a VERY hard one. But God continued to say to me "Rest" and "In your weakness, I am strong!" Steve McVey wrote in his book Grace Walk " Our focus is a person, not the performance of religious activity." God doesn't want me to continue living for Him, He wants to live in and through me. So instead of fighting like my hard head wanted me to, I began to surrender to God and allow Him to fight through me as I prayed the words of

Ephesians 6:10-20

"¹⁰Finally, be strong in the Lord and in his mighty power.

¹¹Put on the full armor of God so that you can take

your stand against the devil's schemes.

¹²For our struggle is not against flesh and blood,

but against the rulers, against the authorities,

against the powers of this dark world

and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms.

¹³Therefore put on the full armor of God,

so that when the day of evil comes,

you may be able to stand your ground,

and after you have done everything, to stand.

¹⁴Stand firm then, with the belt of truth buckled around your waist,

with the breastplate of righteousness in place,

¹⁵and with your feet fitted with the readiness

that comes from the gospel of peace.

¹⁶In addition to all this, take up the shield of faith,

with which you can extinguish all the flaming arrows

of the evil one. ¹⁷Take the helmet of salvation

and the sword of the Spirit, which is the word of God.

¹⁸And pray in the Spirit on all occasions

with all kinds of prayers and requests.

With this in mind, be alert and always

keep on praying for all the saints.

¹⁹Pray also for me, that whenever

I open my mouth, words

may be given me so that I will fearlessly

make known the mystery of the gospel,

²⁰for which I am an ambassador in chains.

Pray that I may declare it fearlessly, as I should."

and asked others to pray with me. I did not pray to receive some type of recognition or approval from God this time. I wanted to pray and have His desires for my life to flow through me in the prayer. I wanted to believe that He loves me and that I knew alone I would never be good enough but that it is okay because Jesus died to make me good enough. I wanted others to pray with me in unity. No matter what I do I want it to be to His glory!

Opening all the Locks

2010-04-20T10:02:00.005-04:00

We have all watched TV and seen the photos of starving children or children with no homes, eating garbage, no food, or little food. This is NOT one of those stories. This is about a relentless story of love. A few months ago I started two books. One is Crazy Love by Francis Chan and the other The Hole In Our Gospel by Richard Stearns . They have challenged me to look at my faith to see if I am really believing in the God that is in my bible. Am I just a Sunday Christian? Do I go to church, pay a tithe, do good works and leave it at that? Did I "get my card stamped" to say I am saved and now there is nothing else to do except the basics I mentioned? Do I live one way with people and another in my heart and mind? Richard Stearns writes "It's basically the belief that being a Christian, or follower of Jesus Christ, requires more than just having a personal and transforming relationship with God . It also entails a public and transforming relationship with the world." Are we ashamed to let the world know who we actually base our lives and our decisions on?

"For whoever is not ashamed of Me and My words,

of him will the Son of Man be ashamed

when He comes in His glory,

and in the glory of the Father and of the Holy angels."

Luke 9:26 (NASB)

"But I'm paying my tithe and I'm doing all these things for other people." This is what we are saying right? But are we also resenting when it isn't returned back to us or angry when others don't react how we want them to? If we are, then we didn't do it for Christ. We did it to please someone else or have them approve of how we live our lives. Now I have always been a pleaser. I won't deny it. I want the approval of others. More than that, I don't want others to be disappointed in me. But as I read these two books. They began to make me think. I am willing to do almost anything to please someone or have them not be disappointed in me, but I am not willing to surrender fully or wholly and completely live for a God who has ALL POWER, who knows the future and what is best for me, and loves me so much that He gave His only son to be killed and basically spit upon, laughed at, and his body ripped to shreds. Does this honestly make sense? We are so afraid of God asking us to step out of our comfort zone that we just don't take the risk to go beyond the basics. I was speaking with a friend of mine who I tend to go to when I need the truth whether it hurts or not. We were talking about a lot of these things. I began telling her how God has been working in my heart recently and how I don't understand why it has to be so hard to completely surrender for me. It's like I am standing on one side of a door where all the locks to the door are. God is on the other side. As I have worked through some things in my life I unlock each lock but there is still a sliding lock on the door. I can open the door and see all the Glory of God there and all His love waiting for me. I continue to not slide the lock and open the door fully. I don't really know why though. I won't take that risk and in my heart I really want to.

"Jesus replied: 'Love the Lord your God with all your

heart and with all your soul and with all your mind.'

This is the first and greatest commandment"

(Matthew 22:37-38)

Francis Chan writes "...People don't really want to be saved from their sin; they only want to be saved from the penalty of their sin." If we live our lives solely to please and for some perceived reward, what meaning do we truly have to our lives? But if we stop living our lives as if the reward will only come at the end of it in the afterlife and live as if we believe Heaven begins now then we will get real about our faith and begin to live it the true way God wanted us to risking to love those around us as if they really are our neighbors.

"Love your neighbor as yourself"

(Galatians 5:14)

God doesn't call us to sit within our comfort zones. He calls us to live a life of sacrifice. The more we become uncomfortable, the more we can become comfortable with who we were made to be in God. One of my hardest things in life has been the words trust and vulnerability. I have had to learn that being vulnerable does not mean being weak. If I am willing to take that chain lock off the door and completely surrender, I may be uncomfortable and vulnerable but I will also be able to let God fill my rooms completely with who He is and who He wants me to be.

A Shattered Heart Can Bring Hope

2010-04-06T23:26:00.003-04:00

A shattered heart.... This wallpaper which was available for my phone spoke so loudly to my heart when I saw it. I have debated for months now whether to really share some of the struggles I have been going through. Some of them being very long struggles that have a constant recurring theme and others being strong spiritual struggles that I still can't seem to really understand fully. I thought I had finally gotten to that point of seeing that sharing some things can help others and that was the purpose in them, but recently my anger has gotten in the way of seeing that. Then on Easter Sunday I had an amazing talk with my niece after attending our services at church. These past couple of days I have tried hard to hold on to that conversation. You see she has some head knowledge of who God is but I want her to truly know Him. I want Him to be real to her, unlike He was to me at her age. I began asking her what the service meant to her. She of course re-iterated what Pastor Derwin had said to us. It was like the usual robotic answer. My immediate thought was to ask her to explain but asking her what it meant personally to her is what I did instead. She still couldn't tell me. It for her was still just something very external like a story in a book. She then told me she liked when Pastor Derwin told about how he grew up. This said to me that I had to give her something that would attach the story to her personally. Pleasing people has always been a trait of mine. Not one I am particularly proud of or want to continue. This also just happens to be one of my recent struggles. God was allowing my heart to be shattered in so many pieces by so many people and no matter what I did, it wasn't going to change that. I began to explain to my niece how this particular trait was something I felt I needed to do at one time. I thought it would cause my friends or my parents or people I looked up to, to love me more. I wanted so much to feel loved and that they were proud of me or liked me. A lot of times this has placed me in some dangerous and some really sticky situations doing things I never dreamed I would do. I was doing things I didn't even like. Someone then told me there was nothing I could do to make God love me more than He already does. They explained how Christ died for me and God the Father gave up His only son to die so that all fears, all sadness, all crying, all pain, and all death could end one day. God loves me and I don't have to do anything to please Him. I don't have to earn it. The expectations or perceived expectations are very different. There are no questions of the love being there or not. It just is! That shattered heart of mine still has pain and is not fully back together again, but there finally is Hope. I just have to hold onto it.

Imaginiff

2009-11-11T22:05:00.004-05:00

A few months ago I played a game called "Imaginiff" for the very first time. When a card is taken and read, a person's name is placed in the blank. All players must choose which of the scenerios that person would be found in. They must "Imaginiff" that person where doing something and decide how that person would react. I learned a great deal of things about the people I played this game with and also learned how everyone had a different perception of that person.

Now a few years ago I worked at a group home for abused, neglected, and delinquent teens. I sat in a training one day when asked to think of my most horrible and terrifying secret that I would be afraid for anyone to find out about. After thinking about it, I had come up with that one. Then I along with others where told to imagine if we had to get up in front of an entire audience of people and tell that same secret. We were asked to think about the reactions we immediately had. This included physical reactions as well as mental and emotional reactions. It was explained to us that this is how it would feel if we or those clients of ours were to be exposed in their secrets. Not only would there be fear, hurt, anger, and saddness but the most prominent feeling was that of SHAME.

Max Lucado once wrote "If pride goes before a fall, then shame is what keeps you from getting up after one." My secrets had held me in thick, unpenetrable chains until one night I cried out.

"At that time people will sing about
the pleasant vineyard. 'I the Lord, will
care for that vineyard; I will water it at the
right time. No one will hurt it, because I will
guard it day and night. I am not angry. If
anyone builds a wall of thornbushes in war, I will
march to it and burn it. But if anyone
comes to me for safety and wants
to make peace with me, he should
come and make peace with me."
Isaiah 27:2-5
(NCV)

In these verses, God is letting His people know that they have done wrong and that one day He will take them back into Him if they want to make that choice to come to Him. He doesn't say for them to change everything first and then come. He just says "come and make peace with me." He knows our shame of our secrets. His son has borne them all. Not only did He bare them upon His back but Hebrews 12:2 says "Jesus accepted the shame as if it were nothing." Most of the time we take those secrets that more than likely began in pride and we get lost and covered in the shame for fear that they will be played in front of those we love the most or played before anyone to see those parts of us. Can you imagine what Christ went through when not only your sin was placed on Him but the sin of every human past, present, and future? And yet He considered it to be nothing. He loved us so much, He was willing to die before everyone with the whole world knowing that shame upon Him so that we could live a life without the chains and live instead in freedom. He became the worst of mankind so we could live the best life of what God the Father has for us. But will we let go of that shame and instead grasp the life He has for us. Imagine that!

Jesus Did NOT respect persons.

2009-10-26T19:31:00.010-04:00

"Jesus did not respect persons." When I first read this I was thrown a little off guard. I wasn't expecting that and didn't quite understand. This is why you should always read the entire paragraph or section you are in. As I continued to read it stated, "Even His enemies admitted, 'You are not swayed by men, because you pay no attention to who they are" (Matthew 22:16, NIV) (excerpt from Be Mature by Warren W. Wiersbe) Our Lord did not care what material things people had or if they had influence in the community. He cared about their hearts and whether they accepted The Truth from His Father in Heaven. Warren W. Wiersbe also wrote, "We tend to cater to the rich because we hope to get something from them, and we avoid the poor because they embarrass us. Jesus did not do this, and He cannot approve of it."

We as people must choose to not only read about the deity of Christ but show it in our relationships. If one only chooses to read and talk about it then they are not living the life Christ has chosen for them. It must not be done to get another's praise or to win the influence of others. It has to be done with the right motive.

This past weekend, I had one of the most amazing weekends I have had the pleasure of having in a LONG time. I spent it at the With Love From Jesus- Charlotte Ministry. They were having the 1st Annual BBQ Fundraiser to support the ministry. This is a ministry that embodies the meaning of living out God's Word and not just speaking about it. People of all walks of life are accepted and treated with compassion. Economics, status, or materialism in no way has it's place at the table with this ministry. God's Grace ignores all these differences. The Founder/Director, Joy McGuire, started the ministry on her back porch. She like, I, have always had a heart and passion for serving others and treating them with the unconditional love that Christ has given us. From the beginning of time humans have fought over many things especially beliefs and differences in one another. When Peter first went to the house of a Gentile, him being a Jew, this was not acceptable. But he did it because he knew that the work God had called him to was to love ALL people. We try everyday in small ways to make others be just like us in some way. If God wanted two of us He would have created two. Even twins have differences. Look at the majority of today's churches. They are still segregated in some way. The one place the unconditional love of Christ should be completely embodied, and it is not. "Love your neighbor!" Who is your neighbor today? Who has God called you to Love? To build up? To encourage? To get beyond your own selfish views, thoughts, and differences with? Please take the time to look through the site at the top. How can you help out to show God's Love not based on Respect and the outward appearances but on the inward heart of your neighbor?

Where is Your Treasure?

2009-10-06T15:19:00.005-04:00

²⁰But store up for yourselves treasures in heaven, where moth and rust do not destroy, and where thieves do not break in and steal. ²¹For where your treasure is, there your heart will be also.

Matthew 6:20-22

Several days ago I was listening to the radio as I was going to pay a bill. The woman began to tell a story about her family at the beach. She described how she had a large desire for something and her daughter had a large desire for something. Her daughter wanted sometime in her life to find a real shark's tooth on the beach, not in a gift shop somewhere. Every time she had found one before her daddy would always tell her, "No that's not one or no that's not the real thing." Her heart would sink each time. This particular day she was walking along the beach with her family searching intently for her treasured object, giving every piece of her to just lay her eyes on it once. She eventually came across something she thought was a real shark's tooth. She picked it up and showed it to her father with anticipation that she would finally hear "Good job, You found one!" She waited and he finally told her it was a real shark's tooth. She was elated and began yelling that she had found her treasure. Her parents asked her if she would like for them to hold onto it for her so she would not lose it. She said,"No.", and let them know she could do it. She continued her walk along the beach and about five minutes later her mom began to hear screeching sobs. The little girl had lost her valued treasure. As I continued to listen to the story it reminded me of how we so often try to do things on our own and in our own strength. We try to acquire treasures that one day will be lost and gone anyway. We try to place our value in things that are going to be destroyed.

¹Now listen, you rich people,

weep and wail because of the misery

that is coming upon you. ²Your wealth has rotted,

and moths have eaten your clothes.

³Your gold and silver are corroded.

Their corrosion will testify against you

and eat your flesh like fire. You have

hoarded wealth in the last days.

James 5:1-3

God wants us to depend on Him and place our worth and value in Him. He wants us to build up the treasures that will last for Eternity. He wants us build our foundation on Him and therefore it will not disappear or corrode or rot away. He wants us to look to Him for our answers. So where is your treasure today? Where is your heart? God wants you to live life and live it abundantly and the way to do this is to remember who and what we are living for.

¹⁸Command them to do good,

to be rich in good deeds, and to be generous

and willing to share. ¹⁹In this way

they will lay up treasure for themselves as a firm foundation

for the coming age, so that they may

take hold of the life that is truly life.

²⁰Timothy, guard what has been entrusted to your care.

Turn away from godless chatter and

the opposing ideas of what is falsely called knowledge

1 Timothy 6:18-20

God Is In Control

2009-09-26T12:46:00.007-04:00

I lay in bed slowly waking from the night’s sleep. I had rested, and rested so hard I think I might have felt myself drooling. As I began to wake, I heard the dog barking outside and a large banging noise. In my mind someone was knocking on my door. I kept yelling, “Hold on a minute!!”, but they wouldn’t stop knocking. I began to become severely annoyed and with that my adrenaline began to pump. I threw the nearest clothes that lay beside the bed on the floor. I rushed to the door and jerked open the lock. I was prepared to yell at someone for banging so loudly, so early in the morning. What could possibly be so pressing and so important that they must act like this. When I slung open the door, to my surprise it was not someone waiting for me at all. It was the city worker coming to turn off the power, as I had not been able to meet my obligation for the month. Times had been very hard the last couple of months. The money was non-existent. The food was Very low. The hope was becoming even lower. I found myself at times asking the question we as humans want to ask and feel martyred with at times. We want to feel justified and know within ourselves that there can’t possibly be a reason we are being “punished” for. It wasn’t punishment at all though. It wasn’t something I even had a right to ask

But I still found my flesh taking over and asking anyway. When I look back I have asked that question many times and not always liked the answer I got. Sometimes that answer was, “ You may never know! But it is okay because I will use it.” Sovereignty.... What does this really mean? I know it means we as humans don’t always like that we can’t see everything and know everything at times. But what does it really mean? In Hebrew it is the word malkûyâh meaning a rule, a dominion, empire, kingdom, realm, reign, or royal. God has Sovereignty. God is reigning! God is in Control! (Whether we like it or not!) Something else we don’t usually understand is the word Omniscient. Webster’s definition is: infinite understanding, knowing all things. God shows this as part of HIS character in Job 31:4, Job 34:21, Psalm 33:13, Psalm 147:5, Isaiah 40:13-14, Matthew 10:28-30, Matthew 12:42 and John 2:24 to name a few. We repeatedly fight this throughout history to try to prove we know what is best for us and to try to prove we are in control. God is also Omnipotent meaning: unlimited or infinite power or influence (1 Samuel 1:3, Isaiah 5:16, 1 Kings 8:27, Job 9:5, Psalm 135:6, Isaiah 40:28, Matthew 19:28, Romans 4:17-24 and Revelation 1:5), and Omnipresent meaning: present in all places at the same time (Genesis 28:16, Deuteronomy 4:39, Isaiah 66:1, Psalm 139:5-12, Jeremiah 23:23-24, Proverbs 15:3, and Acts 17:27). This world may want to tell us that God is just something we use as a crutch or someone we should be angry at for the circumstances of our life but throughout history God has not changed. He is still in control. He still reigns. He still knows what has happened and will happen. He also is still with us and will never leave us.

Wealth... Is it really worth it?

2009-08-31T13:00:00.005-04:00

Wealth... just one of the things most humans strive for. But, is it worth it? The most mis-quoted verse in the Bible is I Timothy 6:10 "For the Love of money is the root of all sorts of evil, and some by longing for it have wandered away from faith." Most people quote that as money itself is the root of all evil. This inanimate object can have no power other than the power we give it as humans.

I can remember the day I received the position in my career I had been striving for so long. I was so happy and yet something still didn't feel fulfilling. I wanted to now go higher. I had the office with a BEAUTIFUL view. I had a good salary for the type work I had chosen to do. I had more "friends" than I had for a long time. But, something was still missing. I could now afford a better car and better house or apartment. I could afford some of those little pleasures I really didn't need but wanted. Even though I had this, I wasn't happy. It couldn't give me this the things I longed for the most in my life. Those things like happiness and love were still out of my reach.

When I lost this job I worked so hard for, I lost that "wealth". I lost the ability to buy those material things. I also slowly lost my physical ability to work and the one thing that I thought could bring me all those things. As I read in Ecclesiastes this morning and read many newspaper articles on the net about wealth, I realized my situation is not my own. It has been a human condition which has plagued us for many years in history and in many ways. The articles I read, repeatedly spoke of heartache brought on by a love of the wealth they received. Some spoke of receiving the money and then having family members or friends coming from everywhere wanting it or sueing them for it. In Ecclesiastes 5:11 it says "The more wealth people have, the more friends they have to help spend it. So what do people really gain? They gain nothing except to look at their riches." When we define who we are by what we have, we are never content. "Whoever loves money will never have enough money; whoever loves wealth will not be satisfied with it. This is also useless." Ecclesiastes 5:10 After loosing all the things that I had, I began to realize I never really had those things at all. They all belonged to God even when I did physically have them in my possession. I spent so much of my time trying to get physical things to fill a hole where happiness and love were not that I in the end was defeated, angry, and sad. I was miserable. So was the "wealth" I had really worth it? NO! I see now that money can bring a lot of pain and for some it can bring a sense of happiness. But the love of money and those things it brings will never bring satisfaction. I came into the world with nothing and will leave with nothing. There is nothing wrong with wanting things, but when it is all that matters to me, it is wrong and will never be worth giving up the satisfaction that last for an eternity when I put God first. It will never be worth giving up the joy I feel knowing that the little things I do have were given to me by the grace of God and were not placed above the need for Him. Max Lucado wrote "Heaven does not know you by the fellow with the nice suit or the woman with the big house or the kid with the new bike. Heaven knows your heart." (from: Traveling Light) When God looks at each of us He does not see our stuff but only our hearts so can we try to do the same for one another.

Running Scared

2009-08-28T12:55:00.004-04:00

"You only need to remain calm;

The Lord will fight for you."

Exodus 14:14

(NCV)

I don't like to admit it but this last month has been hard for me. I have felt like those Israelites as they left their familiar place in Egypt. It has reminded me of a moment of my youth when I felt no one was there to fight or protect me. One of those times, I had walked to a nearby store. It was a nice long walk. I had never been scared to take it. This day was very different though. I was on my way home walking slowly through my neighbors yard as I had always done. I had just about reached my yard when suddenly I heard barking. I turned to see the neighbor's Rottweiler chasing after me. I was so tired but an immense amount of adrenaline instantly kicked in. My heart was pounding and I was so terrified. I was terrified no one was there to help me and that my own strength would let me down.

Last night I lay in bed thinking over the past month. If it could go wrong, it did go wrong. I had tried to deny that I was frustrated and angry. I tried to deny that I wasn't a little scared. But I was, and I am. I began praying and opening up these feelings to God. No matter what I said, He repeatedly kept saying, " I am here!" I yelled that I knew that, but I wanted someone tangible to be here as well. He whispered to me, "I have to be enough." I knew it was true, but I continued to not wrap my mind around it. This morning as I woke the same arguments with the insurance company about my wreck and getting me a rental car continued. Not for long though. I sat back and said " I am tired of fighting." God immediately gave me a verse that He had given me before, Exodus 14:14. He let me know that if I would just let go and stay calm that He would fight the fight for me. Just as the Israelites didn't like it when Moses led them out of Egypt into something better that they could have never imagined, I too have not liked this past month. I have fought the whole way, trying to do things in my own strength even though I felt I was giving it over to God. My worrying and my focus being on the situation itself has kept me from doing this. My focus on my feelings of loneliness and hurt also kept me from seeing that the fear was not from God.

God had asked Moses to lead the people. But when he got to the Red sea he spoke of what God would do but he didn't continue walking at the same time. When I read Exodus 14 today, I realized something in the words "Why are you crying out to me? Command the Israelites to start moving. Raise your walking stick and hold it over the the sea so that the sea will split and the people can cross on dry land." Moses had stopped focusing on God for a small moment and began focusing on the complaining of the people. Sometimes it is really important to wait, but here God had told Moses what to do already. God had to break it down piece by piece to get him to focus again. I am like that. I focus on the wrong things at times. I expect it to be something Huge before I can move. God only wants me to stay calm and just trust. He WILL fight for me. He will provide a "dry land" or a way for me to pass through this.

Sold Out

2009-08-22T20:58:00.005-04:00

From what I have been told, this picture is not posed. The haircut was not something he was made to do. It was his choice. This little boy has been an inspiration to me from the day we met. How many kids do you know that would choose this as a haircut?

"As a deer pants for the water brooks,

So my soul pants for Thee, O God.

My soul thirsts for God, for the living God,

When shall I come and appear for God?"

Psalm 42:1-2

(NASB)

When I read this verse It always reminds me of this little boy. He has such passion and trust in God. He knows he may have been picked on by friends or even adults for having a cross haircut. But he didn't care. His mom tells us of a story where he was sitting in the backseat of the car talking to his friends and he asked if they believed in God, in Jesus. Then he very promptly began to telling them about God and how you have to make a choice to live for Him. His love for God is real!!! He is definitely a child of God and definitely an example all of us could follow. He is sold out for Christ at all cost.

"It's Getting Hot in Here"

2009-08-11T19:55:00.002-04:00

I must admit I started singing the song by Nelly when I was trying to think of a title for today's blog. I have been reading a book called Be Mature by: Warren W. Wiersbe. It is a study of the book of James. Can you imagine choosing something that caused you to be rejected by your homeland and by the land you have just moved to as well? I must admit I am no stranger to those feelings of rejection. They are VERY hard to control and VERY hard to accept and go on with daily life when you feel them. But as James spoke to the newer Jewish Christian that were scattered throughout the land, He wanted to give Hope to each of them and challenge each of them at the same time. These Jewish Christians were stuck between their old ways of legalism and doing things and the new way of living by Grace given to them through Jesus Christ. When you grow up in deep seated tradition, you carry a deep respect for your heritage and for some ways of doing things. At the same time this deep seated tradition can hinder you in some ways from finding who you really are and finding the answers you need from a life in Christ. You feel torn and don't want to disappoint or hurt anyone and at the same time you want to rip loose and create a whole new you. James encourages us to " Consider it all joy, my brethern, when you encounter various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces endurance." James 1:2-3 I must say that when I first began to read this passage, and I have read it many times, I just laughed and had a bit of cynicism in my heart. I mean... How could James ask me to consider it all joy! After all, he doesn't have a clue what my life has been like or what it is like now. But he does! I read further into the book and in the book of James and discovered that the issues of James' time are no different than today's world and today's church. James spoke to the Jews living outside of Palestine. They had been scattered. They were facing temptations. They were not living the life they so eagerly were professing. They were living to impress others. They were creating small wars within the church with the use of their words. They competed with one another for offices (standing) in the church. Many members of the church were poor and hurting and looking for the things of the rich. They believed treasure meant material things. Does this not sound like today's world as well? The more I read, the more the heat was turned up. It was getting HOT in here! The Words of the Father were convicting me. At the same time, Satan was trying to turn the heat up even hotter and get me to focus on all the trials I have had in the past and had recently. Warren writes in his book "Even if Satan does turn on the heat, your Father in heaven keeps His almighty hand on the thermostat!" Someone once told me that if I was having a lot of trials that it meant I was doing something right. It meant that Satan didn't like the fact that I was willing to fight on God's side now. We have to look within first and see our own hearts and the condition it is in before we can truly begin to understand how suffering is a gift and how heat only purifies us. God is in control no matter how hard things get in our lives. A while back I asked God to help me have compassion for certain people in my life that have always been very hard to love and hard to understand. Well when you ask God for something, be prepared for Him to begin working. Many test and trials began between me and those people. I spent a lot of time complaining about how bad things were until I began seeing the real person and the compassion God was teaching me to have. It was hot and painful for a long time because I made that road be longer than it had to be. I now know God has been and always be in control. Even in the worst of times.

A Celebration of All Times

2009-08-09T13:32:00.008-04:00

I grew up in a VERY large family. Some say this could be a great thing. In some ways it really is. As a kid you almost always have someone to play with and you never lack in something to do. Yesterday we celebrated my cousin's 40th birthday. Birthdays were never really a huge thing in my family. We usually celebrated all birthdays in the month on just one day with one cake and regular sunday dinner. Since having a niece and growing older myself, I have been able to experience and enjoy the celebration of a birthday as an individual person's special day. It is WONDERFUL! Birthday always seem to involve food of some

kind. Yesterday was no different. I don't think I have had that much food on a table in a long time though. The best part of birthdays I have discovered can be seeing family or friends that you haven't seen in a long time. I was blessed to spend yesterday with my brother and his wife who came in from the mountains of NC, my cousin and his family who came from Concord/Kannapolis , NC area, and an aunt I haven't seen in a long time. The party was a surprise by all means. We, the guest, were told to arrive thirty minutes before my cousin's husband would arrive with her. When she entered the room we yelled "SURPRISE!" and she was so excited she began to cry. It was a huge gathering of family and old friends she had not seen in a long time. This was just a small birthday party. Can you imagine what it is going to be like on that day when we gather with Christ and all of the Christian family to live for eternity? Yesterday was only a speck of the joy He has prepared for us. I can't wait to see Him face to face and wrap my arms around Him to live forever with Him.

"If you then, being evil, know how

to give good gifts to your

children, how much more shall

your Father who is in heaven

give what is good to those

who ask Him!"

Matthew 7:11

(NASB)

Great Loss Brings Greater Gain

2009-07-28T09:01:00.003-04:00

This past year has been a year with a great deal of loss for me. It may have been a loss of dreams, sleep, friends, or family. Today twenty years ago I lost my father to a massive heart attack. We all react to death differently but that day still seems so vivid to me. I was in the mountains of NC. I had rode up to the campground there with family friends. It was my only way at the time to get there for the camp that was starting the next day. When we arrived I was told I could not stay on the campground for the day because the week of camp that was in process would not end until that afternoon some time. It was sunny and a beautiful day. I had no car of my own though and didn't know how I was going to go into town 10 minutes away until I was allowed on the grounds. I had always felt safe there at the campground but that day felt different. A friend of mine graciously lent me his car to go into town and hang out until the afternoon when I would be allowed back on campus. I took off with intentions to have a very relaxing day just hanging out in the park and visiting little stores and an ice cream shop in town that had many childhood memories. I had just finished high school and just finished my first summer job. I wanted to just relax. After a long great day in Blowing Rock, NC, I began to return to the campground to unpack for camp. It had begun to slightly rain but it had been a great day after I had left the campground. As I was driving back though, something just didn't feel right and I couldn't put my finger on it. When I arrived back on campus, I was met at my car by my friend. He told me my pastor was looking for me. I proceeded to walk up the hill to his cabin. When I got there, his five year old daughter was standing on the porch. I asked if she knew where her daddy was. She said "He's down there (pointing) looking for you. Your daddy's dead." As she spoke the door flew open and I yelled "What!!!" I looked up and her mom was standing in the doorway. Her lip was trembling and she began to cry and just shook her head up and down as she couldn't speak. From that moment, I can only remember pieces of the short time after that. My knees buckled and I began to fall as she caught me. I can still feel that feeling of draining shock. She helped me to sit down in the nearest chair and I began to cry still feeling that major drain. A few moments later my pastor walked through the door. He was going to drive me and two of my cousins back down the mountain to my parents home. That feeling of shock didn't leave me for some time. It was days if not weeks. I loved my father but over time I have had to accept he was not perfect as we sometimes think our parents are when we are children. This has been hard for me as we had a love/ hate relationship. The photo above is one of my favorites. It reminds me that he did have good parts. It mostly reminds me though that my Heavenly Father is so much more and He has taught me to love and forgive. It also reminds me that a great loss can sometimes bring a greater gain if we only allow God to work in our lives and our hearts.

The Beautiful Storms of life

2009-07-24T10:36:00.005-04:00

Jesus Bring the Rain

by: Mercy Me

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain you who made a way for me suffering
your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

Holy, holy, holy
Holy, holy, holy
is the lord God almighty
is the lord God almighty
I'm forever singing

everybody singing
Holy holy holy
you are holy
you are holy

"In the light of a king's face is life,

and his favor is like a cloud

with the spring rain.

How much better it is to

get wisdom than gold!

and to get understanding

is to be chosen above silver."

Proverbs 16:15-16

(NASB)

This past week God has truly been impressing upon me the importance of rain. I lay in my bed listening as the rain fell. The thunder was so loud and shook with immense force that shook my little house. The lightening looked as if it were dancing as it hit the sky. It cracked so forcefully that I thought it's intention was to expose all of the darkest places as it ripped open the sky. When there is weather like this my body tends to react by having a sinus infection and becoming more tense. But as I lay in bed listening to the rain I began to read how the light of my king's face can bring life which has the "favor" of a cloud with spring rain. I thought about that word favor. It is a pleasant word. It is a word that speaks of good things. I then thought of the song by Mercy Me which speaks of wanting the rain to come. It reminded me of how the struggles in life are compared to a storm bringing lots of rain. We tend to hate storms but as I look at my life the storms have been the thing that brought me closest to my King. They have made me rely most of my Heavenly Father. They have given me wisdom that is more precious than Gold and understanding that is worth much more than silver. This life can allow us to build up lots of material things but they will all soon pass away and not last. We can choose to hold onto those and try to depend on those in the hard storms of life or we can choose something which is much more precious and will never pass away. It will give us peace, strength, wisdom, and understanding. It is our Heavenly Father. So as I thought about these things in the middle of this actual storm of rain, thunder, and lightening, I wanted to praise God more for the storms of my life and the many things He has given me through each one that will never leave me. I say God let your lightening rip through me and expose me. Let your thunder upset my daily life as long as it will bring your rain which washes over me and allows me to praise you.

Pre-Order "Hero:Unleashing God's Power in a Man's Heart"

2009-07-16T22:16:00.004-04:00

Pre-Order Today

Following from Derwin's blog at

http://www.theevangelismlinebacker.com/2009/05/new-book.html

What is Derwin's New Book, Hero: Unleashing God's Power in a Man's Heart about?

This book is about living with an energized passion.

This book is about learning to pick up the shattered pieces and to dream big again.

This book is about learning to live a heroic life. It’s about fighting for the life you were created to live.

God created you to be so intimate with Him that you reflect Him. This book is about getting to know the Great Hero so well that His greatness rubs off on you and is present in your life.

Who is Derwin's New Book For?

No matter your stage in life or your gender, this book is for you or someone you know and love.

When is Derwin's New Book Going To Released?

Hero: Unleashing God's Power in a Man's Heart will be released this Fall.

How Can You Help The Evangelism Linebacker?

Please pray that this book will exalt Jesus and that countless lives will be tranformed by Hero: Unleashing God's Power in a Man's Heart. Thank you!

Pastor Derwin

Choices to Serve only One

2009-07-16T18:33:00.005-04:00

Today as I was awakened by the knocking of the door, I continued to feel drained and in pain from a series of restless nights. I stumbled out of bed and surfed across the floor on a paper I had left on the carpet. I then slowly made my way to the door and lifted the curtain only to be greeted by an overcast sky and my brother wanting to know "what I was up to" today.

When I was very young my oldest brother was my hero. He was very athletic and loved all types of sports. He loved to play games, protect his siblings from those we didn't know, and simply spending time with me and the others around him.

As we grew older something major changed in my brother. He became very withdrawn and angry. He no longer wanted to play games or spend time with me. He began spending more and more time away from home. He would get up at the last minute to catch the bus for school; and not return home until late in the evening hours after spending time with a small group of friends. Over time he became more and more angry and even violent at times. He was now drinking heavily and taking drugs.

My mother lived in a constant state of denial about my brother's drug issues and repeatedly argued with him about not following her set of rules at home. They never talked. They only yelled at one another. This was their means of communication.

Expressing how we felt or what happened on a daily basis in our lives was never easy or something encouraged. We were not taught a healthy avenue to doing this. As I stated, my brother chose drinking, drugs, and eventually sex to hide his true self and feel loved.

I began my type of expression through art at a young age. I learned quickly that expression of anything was not an accepted method. At one point in my life, my avenue of art became ineffective and closed down. I started to use the same avenue my brother chose. My pattern was to drink myself to sleep each night to drown out any thoughts or memories of my past or the disappointments of the day. I started smoking pot to enhance this and go deeper inside myself. I didn't know how to talk or communicate about what I felt or what was going on in my life. The more I chose these vices, the more I became miserable, physically and mentally sick, and withdrawn. The more I wanted to be loved, the more I pushed and pulled others in and out of my life. I chose no wise path, decision, or event in my life.

This morning as I read in Proverbs 14, I began to discover the two things we are given in life to chose from and the things in our lives that will emulate the choice we made. The choice we make between truly living for God or living with sin as our master will be shown in the friends we choose to spend most of our time with. It will be shown It will be shown in how we respond to those around us. It will also be shown in the words we choose to speak about who we are serving. Verse 7 says " Leave the presence of a fool, Or you will not discern words of knowledge." Verses 12-18 say "There is a way which seems right to a man, but it's end is the way of death. Even in laughter the heart may be in pain, and the end of joy may be grief. The backslider in heart will have his fill of his own ways, but a good man will be satisfied with his. The naive believes everything, but the prudent man considers his steps. A wise man is cautious and turns away from evil, but a fool is arrogant and careless. A quick tempered man acts foolishly, and a man of evil devices is hated." When I repeatedly spend my time with those who do not love God or who have anger and deceit in their hearts, then I am more likely to make the same type of decisions they do. I will more likely not be able to discern what is right in my life. I will use the vices that are ingrained in me as a human. We must choose one master. We can not serve two masters. Throughout the chapter of Proverbs 14 I noticed how the fruits of the spirit will also consistently be shown in our lives. Proverbs 14:23-25 says " In all labor there is profit, but mere talk leads only to poverty. The crown of the wise is their riches, but the folly of fools is foolishness. The truthful witness saves lives, but he who speaks lies is treacherous." Just as in those moments I spoke one way but lived my secret life of drinking, drugs, and sex to wash away my pain. I was living as a fool and not living the life of the wise.

Today my brother and I have taken some time to step back and spend some time just getting to know ourselves. I have taken time to get to know who God really is and have learned that I can live and make the choice to serve only one master. This has to be a daily choice and only I can make it for myself. I have learned that one must learn to control their anger. I have learned that the more I seek God, the more I want of Him. He has allowed me the slow mending of my relationship with my brother and has helped me to better understand him through the decisions I made and continue to make. It is not about what the other person is doing. What am I going to do and what am I going to show to others so they may see Christ. This is what it is about.

Distortion or Clarity

2009-07-13T20:25:00.007-04:00

A week ago my niece introduced me to some new features on my own computer that I had not discovered yet. This one was the photo booth effects features. We had a blast making videos and taking photos. We sat for hours making new ones with all the features. As you can see we made some pretty funny looking photos, some very distorted photos. It reminded me of when I use to go to the beach as a kid and look at myself in the carnival mirrors. It also made me think of just how easily things in life can become distorted when we choose to make our own decisions and not rely on God to give us the wisdom and understanding we need to become the best people we can be for Him. I had my computer for the past two years and didn't know I could create so many things until my niece showed me. We will never know what beauty and what great treasures God has in store for us if we choose not to open His word and read and then to apply what we read to our lives.

"The fear of the Lord is the

beginning of wisdom,

And the knowledge of the

Holy One is

understanding"

Proverbs 9:10 (NASB)

Celebrate Freedom

2009-07-04T20:10:00.003-04:00

Today we celebrate this country's freedom. I want to take a moment to thank all of those who have served and/or given their lives in service to give me this freedom. I want to thank most of all God for giving me a freedom beyond words or anything I could ever imagine through the death of His son, Jesus Christ, on a cross. Freedom requires sacrifice and comes with a great responsibility. You can't have one of those without the other.

The Motions

2009-06-30T22:13:00.004-04:00

The Motions

 This might hurt
 It's not safe
 But I know that I've gotta make a change
 I don't care
 If I break 
At least I'll be feeling something
 Cause just ok
 Is not enough
 Help me fight through the nothingness of life  

I don't wanna go through the motions
 I don't wanna go one more day
 Without Your all consuming passion inside of me
 I don't wanna spend my whole life asking
 What if I had given everything?
 Instead of going through the motions

 No regrets
 Not this time
 I'm gonna let my heart defeat my mind 
Let Your love
 Make me whole
 I think I'm finally feeling something  

Take me all the way 
Take me all the way
 Take me all the way

Produced by Brown Bannister / Associate Producer: Sam Mizell / Acoustic Guitar by Mike Payne and Jerry McPherson / Bass by Tony Lucido / Drums by Will Sayles / Electric Guitar by Paul Moak, Mike Payne, and Jerry McPherson / Keyboards and Programming by Sam Mizell / Percussion by Eric Darken / Strings by David Davidson / Background Vocals by Matthew West

Written by Matthew West, Sam Mizell, and Jason Houser 2008 Word Music / Songs For Lulu / Simple Tense Songs / Wyzell Music / Songs Of Extreme / Cedar Sides (ASCAP)

This past weekend I was privileged to be able to attend "Faith, Family, and Freedom". It is a celebration held each year at the Knights Stadium in Fort Mill, SC. This night there were three groups singing. One of those was Matthew West. He began singing "The Motions". I had heard the song but did not know who sang it. That night I began to truly listen to the words of the song. It's not easy when we begin to see things in our lives that are not working to help us have functioning healthy lives. We have the ability to ask for help in changing them. A lot of times in my life I have asked, "Why am I here?" or "What is my purpose?" These last six years I began asking those questions frequently. I felt like I had lost everything that was me when I lost my ability to work with at risk kids. I loved my job and I loved what I was able to do when I worked with them. These last six years though, God has began to show me that when my identity rest in something other than Him, I will always ask those questions and I will spend my life going through the motions. I will feel like a robot with no meaning or purpose. Saturday when I began to listen to the words of the above song, I questioned where is my passion lying at this moment. What am I focusing on and making the center of my life? I want each day to know I gave everything to God and not to something that could not fill me and give me purpose. I want my passion to grow for Him. I want to be whole and to be able to feel but also to know who God really is in my life. I don't want to just "Go through The Motions!"

UMMMMM Feels Good!!!

2009-05-19T23:19:00.004-04:00

Recently I began working through this workbook, "every single woman's battle: Guarding Your Heart and Mind Against Sexual and Emotional Compromise" by Shannon Etheridge. I read this passage which has really made me think:

"When challenged by His higher standards, we're
comforted that we don't look too different from
those around us. Trouble is, we don't look much
different from non-Christians either.

Our adolescent Christians are often
indistinguishable from their
non-Christian peers, sharing the same
activities, music, jokes, and attitudes about
premarital sex. Kristian, a teenager, told us,
'Our youth group is filled with kids faking
their Christian walk. They are actually taking
drugs, drinking, partying, and having sex. If
you want to walk purely, it's easier to hang around
non-Christians at school than to hang around with the
Christians at church. I say that because school friends know where I stand
and they say,' That's cool- I can accept that.' The Christian kids mock
me, laughing and asking, ' Why be so straight? Get a life!'
They pressure my values at every turn.' She told us
about Brad, a lay leader's son, who told her, 'I know intercourse
is wrong before marriage, but anything short of that is
fine. I love to get up under a bra.'

Sadly, the adults are no different from the Christian teens.
Linda, a single career woman, says her adult
singles group at church has 'players'- men and women who
stalk their prey to satisfy their own needs..."

In short.... UMMM Feels Good.... so let's do it!!! Standing up for your faith is not easy, but it is important. We look at the temporary, but what we don't look at is what the consequences of the temporary are. I am not just speaking to you reading this. I have made many choices on a daily basis that I wish now, I had never made. I am searching for love and intimacy but this world teaches us this can only come through a sexual or physical relationship. Don't kid yourself, sex is not the only thing that compromises this relationship with God. As singles we try to see just how far we can go without crossing some invisible line set up by society today. God made us as sexual beings but never intended for it to be something we use to hurt one another with or something we use to meet our own selfish needs. Women, lets face it... We are wired to be emotional being. We tend to look at the world through our emotions attached to our experiences. It is impossible to have a physical relationship of any kind without having some type of emotions attached to it. If we are honest with one another there is no such thing as "no strings attached", or "friends with benefits". And men, lets face it that you are wired to be physical in a lot of ways. Emotions are not your first reactions. All of our bodies, men and women, were made to react to touch of any kind. But we as adults have had many experiences and have the ability to make decisions based on self control and what is right and what is wrong. No matter the experiences given to us as a child, we are adults now. We can learn the right way to do things. We have to make the choice. That choice isn't always easy but it is possible. As I read the passage above I felt sad actually. I thought of many of the mask I have worn over the years that allowed me to not have sexual or emotional integrity. I thought of the times that I had chosen to meet my own selfish needs rather than to truly seek out what God wanted for me in a loving, intimate relationship. I think of the many promises He makes to me to love me and do what is best for me as I choose to seek and know Him more. I think , "Is choosing what feels good temporarily, really worth giving up the plans He has for me? Especially when I know what He has is so much more Amazing and fulfilling than anything I could choose without Him?

Hold me Daddy

2009-05-14T21:41:00.002-04:00

Today I spent my day with some of my best friends. After spending the night at their house, I woke this morning to the sound of the two of them and two of their children saying good morning and asking me questions. A few minutes later after I had been given a moment to wake up, I quietly rounded the corner and found my friend laying next to his two year old son, reading him a book and snuggling with him. As I stood there watching him, the first thought in my mind was my relationship with my heavenly father. I thought of the moments He holds me and snuggles with me and takes time for me even in those little moments just because I need Him to do this. I thought of how many times I don't slow down enough to allow Him to do this just because. In that moment, I was so overwhelmed by the love God has given me each and every day for no reason other than to love me even when I didn't fully understand. THANK YOU DADDY FOR HOLDING ME!!!!

How do you define Teacher?

2009-05-08T16:28:00.005-04:00

“A hundred years from now, it will not matter what kind of house we lived in, what kind of car we drove, or what our bank account balance was. But the world may be different because we made a difference in the life of a child.” –Author Unknown

Six years ago I stumbled into a church after not being in one for the good part of going on 12yrs. I could say I didn't know what made me go that night, but I had just spent a month lying on my back after my first spinal surgery thinking about my life and the things I wanted to change. As I walked through those doors, I really didn't know what to expect. I had heard the church was much different than those traditional churches like I had grown up in and went to all my life. It was what they called "A Night of Worship", which I found out meant it was singing only and no spoken message from a pastor. As I sat and listened and looked around it was very different from the other places I had experienced. The people were singing and raising there hands as if to reach out to someone they knew without a doubt was there to take hold of their hand or to even carry them if need be. I couldn't imagine trusting someone that much, especially when I couldn't even see them. But they raised their hands, sang loudly, and even clapped when the song had a beat that brought on the notion to do so. I tried to concentrate on the words of the songs being sung. They talked of love, compassion, and a risen king who had come to serve and set His people free from bondage. Tears began to run down my face in streams as if I were opening a flood gate that had been closed for years. It was as if they were speaking the pain flowing from my soul that had been kept in bondage for so long and wanted to be free from all the pain. I couldn't speak. I couldn't sing. Nothing would come out of my mouth, but later I was told He still understood. "How could He understand though?", I wondered. As I left the building that night my mind was racing and yet trying to comprehend in small portions the events of the evening. It was so much to take in at one time. As I arrived home that evening, I was jolted back into the reality of my own existence and my own life at my home. There was lots of yelling and cursing and not at all what I had experienced that night in the words sung around me. I quietly slipped into my bedroom to try to escape the surrounding and drama I had walked back into that night. I shut the door as if to place myself in what I hoped to be a soundproof booth of some kind that would drown out everything around me. After preparing myself for bed that night, I lay on my bed and tried to pray. I had not done it sincerely in so long, that some part of me even questioned whether God would even be willing to listen and hear the words I was about to speak. At the same time though, I had to talk to someone and let out the feelings I had for so long held inside. As I spoke, I again began to cry the more I spoke of the pain and hurt I felt inside. I begged for God to provide some way for my life to change and to teach me how to believe in His power, mercy, and grace that they sang about that night. After I had said "Amen", I felt drained of what little energy I may have had before I had begun to speak that night. I picked up the information sheets about the church that I had grabbed on my way out of the church that night. I flipped through until I arrived at the section that listed the women's bible studies presently going on in the church. I spotted one that was going on the Wednesday morning coming up. I had no expectations of it being anything that would change my life but I did know it would be another opportuntiy for me to get away from this house for another hour or two that morning. Wednesday morning came quickly and I was extremely nervous. I hated going into new places and meeting new people. My mind would race with thoughts of "What if they don't like me?"; "What if they are all prettier and skinner than me?"; " What if they all have more money than me and wear prettier clothes than me?" I had always had these same questions and same fears everywhere I went. I felt like I would never be good enough for anyone I met, friend or foe. Something in me I felt just didn't measure up to what "the" standard was, whatever that was. As I drove up to the building there were not many cars. I entered and the the secretary told me no one had arrived for the bible study yet and that I was a little early. I tend to be early because I am afraid of walking in late where everyone knows your late and bring on more questions in my head. Anyway, I waited and the other women began to slowly pour into the meeting room. Soon the leader of the group entered. She was this bubbly woman dressed beautifully and very personable. She had the most amazing way of talking to God as she prayed that morning. It was as if she were talking to someone right next to her that she had known for years and could just be herself with. I learned so much that day as she and the other women spoke about the book they were reading at the time. They spoke of a powerful and loving and faithful God. They called Him their Father, Friend, and Savior. I had decided to just listen and be quiet that first day there and then I could determine whether I would return or not the next week. I left that day and obtained a copy of the book they were reading and had already made my decision to give it another shot the next week. When I returned the next week, there were a few new ladies I had not seen the week before. The discussion became deeper and I began to notice how vulnerable and real these women were with one another. I had always wanted this type of relationship with friends without the major fear of being hurt, but my fears had been too strong for too long to allow me to have this. As the group began to discuss the current chapter that week, I decided to try to give some input as if to test the waters I was about to jump into. I was so scared!!! I had to literally force the words out of my mouth as I opened it. After making my comments, a lady across the circle from me put down her books and said, "I don't know why, but I feel God leading me to ask the group to lay hands on you and pray." She then ask if it was okay. As much as I wanted to say no because I was scared to death, my mouth allowed the word yes to come out. As each of the women lay hands on me, they took turns praying. I began to physically fill a power of some kind lift off of me and a relief and peace cover me. It almost scared me at first but then as I embraced it, it was the most amazing thing I had ever experienced. These women had a faith that was unexplainable. I immediately remembered the story told to me in my childhood of the woman walking through the crowd bleeding and she simply touched the hem of Jesus robe and was healed because she truly had faith in His power. Over the next several weeks, months, and years I have repeatedly seen this faith in these women I met that day in bible study. I have come to know that bubbly, beautiful, personable on a more vulnerable level. She has repeatedly trusted in God to show her the directions she and her husband and family should make in this life. I am writing this today during teacher appreciation week because she is how I define "Teacher". Why? Because her words and actions have always modeled the greatest teacher of them all, Jesus. She will soon be moving on with her family to another state. But this is one teacher and friend I will always remember because she has been an important part of me learning who Christ really is and who God really is as a Father. Thank you Debbie for all your love, support, and Compassion and most of all your example!!!! I love you and will truly miss you!!!

Renovations

2009-05-01T14:49:00.011-04:00

Grove Arcade

In 1926 a man had a great vision of such a beautiful building that would become a marketplace of many shops. They began construction and finally completed it in 1929. When WWII began the government took over the building and displaced many workers and many shops that were in the Grove Arcade. This past weekend I took a trip back to Asheville for the first time in a LONG time. I had been inside this magnificiant building only one other time. I love to study history but there is always something about being able to see it right in front of you. In many ways it was a much simpler time when people took their time to really look at things around them and place great effort and beauty into their work. Today this great building has been restored and returned to it's original purpose of having market shops all around the outside as well as the entire bottom floor of the building. The middle floor remains to be offices as it was turned into during the Second World War. They are not the major federal offices as in that time but they are offices non the less. The top floor has been renovated and turned into apartments or condos. Why do I give you this history lesson? Well personally it is just my joy of learning the history of it, but I also this weekend was especially great for me. I was first given a chance to spend some time with my sister-in-law who I don't know a lot about. Second I was able to just relax and go backwards in a good way to look at so many things in my life that have changed and grown within me since the last time I was there. Third, I was able to receive some guidance from my older brother to help me understand the importance of certain things in my life. I was able to use this to make decisions that I needed to make. It seems that as I took a look at things of the past I was able to learn and look forward to a future with Christ by my side and blessings beyond measure. Sometimes it takes a little renovation and scraping away at pieces of the past before we can get back to the simpler things in life and began again with a new and refreshed perspective.

Visions of Grace

2009-03-24T00:33:00.001-04:00

View Project at Shutterfly

Honor Even When Rejected

2009-03-16T21:19:00.004-04:00

I use to watch this show on a regular basis. Re-runs occasionally come on now. But I still love the show. It made me laugh at everyday questions and issues. This episode shown here in three separate screens is my favorite. I may not agree with everything it has to say but it got a great point across to me. It showed me how sometimes we don't like what life brings us and we pray about it but when God doesn't give us what we want or solve the problem the way we think He should, we get angry and decide so easily to give up on Him. This is what we do in so many areas of our lives as well. We give up and walk away. We don't care to accept responsibility for our part in the situation or to love God enough to trust Him to take care of us in His Sovereignty. I am currently studying "The Love Dare" . In this I read these words: "Love honors even when it is rejected. Love treats its beloved as special and sacred even when an ungrateful attitude is all you get in return." In the last frame of this episode you will see this as the characters discuss how God is always willing to wait on us to come to Him. God never leaves us when He is rejected in our anger. His love is perfect and willing to stay even in the hard times. Can't we give Him just as much?

Let Me Cry For Help

2009-03-12T13:48:00.005-04:00

"Psalm 102"
(entire Chapter)
NASB

It's night. The sky is dark. You couldn't have asked for a more beautiful day of weather. So why was I so wired and anxious? I lay in my bed tossing and turning unable to sleep. My thoughts wouldn't stop as they bounced like ping pongs around my head. Then suddenly I took a deep breath and began to pray "Dear God, help me!" I turned on the light and began to read my "Love Dare" journal. I am the only single one in a group full of married couples. At first I was hesitant but it has truly been a blessing. God has used them so much to teach me many things about relationships, about life and the importance of His word. As I read the words began to leap out at me as if they were meant just for me. Most of my life had been centered around emotions I couldn't feel but loved to effect every moment I had relating to others. The words read " ...you should not just follow your heart. You should lead it. You don't let your feelings and emotions do the driving. You put them in the back seat and tell them where you're going." When I read Psalm 102 this morning I noticed that David cried out to God in emotion just how afflicted he was and begged God to listen.He said " Let me Cry for help" But as I continued to read I also noticed that even in all his hard, miserable times, he never forgot who God really was. Verse 26-27 states: "Even they will perish, but You endure; And all of them will wear out like a garment; Like clothing You will change them and they will be changed. 'But You are the same, And your years will not come to an end." He knows God has always been there and always will be. He knows God never changes and is the only one He can trust to fully take care of things and that it may not be in his timing or the exact way he thinks things should go. David trust God to know what is best for him. David talks in this passage how bad things have gotten in his life. He is lacking food. People are against him to the point of cursing him and his existence on this earth. His body and his mind are starting to fail him in pain and anquish. He can't stop crying. Today's tragedies may be bringing us to this point some days but I must remember that God is still the same. He is faithful and just and a loving God who wants me to grow in Him and wants me to have the best life, life abundantly.

Shout To The Lord

2009-03-11T15:54:00.002-04:00

"Shout joyfully to the Lord, all the earth.
Serve the Lord with gladness;
Come before Him with joyful singing.
Know that the Lord Himself is God;
It is He who has made us, and not
we ourselves; We are His people
and the sheep of His pasture.
Enter His gates with thanksgiving
and His courts with praise.
Give thanks to Him, bless His name.
For the Lord is good;
His lovingkindness is
everlasting And His faithfulness to
all generations."
Psalm 100
(NASB)

Today in this day and age, we can't pick up a newspaper or listen to the news without feeling some sense of yuck after it. There is so much crime, depression, and loss. And yet as Christians when I read Psalm 100, I know I am blessed. I know without a doubt I am loved and have a reason to shout joyfully. God is good! God is Everlasting! God is Faithful! He made Us! He created this world! God is Sovereign and knows what each moment is going to bring. It may be hard times and we may not see an end to them, but God knows what the future brings and He knows He is there.

Always Satisfied

2009-03-02T16:08:00.003-05:00

I arrived late and informed the employee at the door that I was with the DJ. She placed an "age verified" bracelet around my left wrist. I walked around the corner and there was an open bay to the building. The music was loud and the lighting low. The air was smokey. I had been in a bar before but not one quite like this. It had a pole in the right hand corner that is usually used for strip dancing. My first thought was "do I really want to be here?" I walked in and found the DJ booth to the right of me. I proceeded to walk behind it. I wasn't really there to dance or do a great deal of mingling. I just wanted to spend some time with a friend and observe. The longer I sat the more people poured in. The air became more smokey and the temperature in the room began to raise. People were dancing and yelling. It was loud. Men and women acted as if they were having sex on the dance floor. The more they drank, the more intense the moves became. Some of them had just met that night. They all seemed to be having a "good" time. The more I thought about this, I began to think of my own past and how things can sometimes seem fun, and even may fill a need at the moment, but the next few hours go by or the next day comes and the need is once again unmet. Yes we can say the feelings were worth it, but were they honestly worth the feeling you have now. The night life brings a momentary high that always crashes in the end. Our loneliness come back and we try to find an even bigger high the next time through drugs or sex thinking it may last longer, but it doesn't. The hole is still there and still empty inside of us. Now on top of the loneliness is usually hurt, anger, confusion, and frustration. There is only One that can fill that hole and keep you satisfied. It is Jesus Christ.

"Blessed are those who hunger

and thirst for righteousness,

for they shall be satisfied"

Matthew 5:6

(NASB)

"Jesus answered, "Everyone who drinks this

water will be thirsty again, but whoever

drinks the water I give will never be thirsty.

The water I give will become a spring of

water gushing up inside that person,

giving eternal life."

John 4:13-14

(NCV)

God can always satisfy us! Do we need to wait until we are clean and stop doing the things we have been doing before we come to Him though? NO! The great thing is that He loves us just where we are. He gives this love as a free gift. Some people think we have to stop living at to a big point at the moment of coming to Him. They think we have to do a lot of "do's" and "don'ts". This is not the case. Yes God wants us to live a clean and righteous life, but God never intended us to live legalistically or to live by other people's standards. What we don't see is that when we accept Him and grow in Him we learn to change and love in a better way and we want to do more for Him. The more time I spend with Him, the more I get to know Him and the more I want to live for Him. The more I need Him and that need is always satisfied. The darkness of the night or the darkness inside of us will never withstand His light.

Light in the Darkness

2009-02-27T17:01:00.004-05:00

I walked into the building. I had never been there before so I was not familiar with my surroundings. Suddenly the lights went out. It was pitch black around me. I slowly began to reach forward and feel my way through the hallways not knowing what would be around the corner or in front of me. My anxiety began to raise as I felt I would never find my way back out of the building. I took one small step at a time and prayed there would be no pitfalls or traps to trip me as I walked. Suddenly I saw a small light ahead. It was the outside. My heart raced and I wanted to run but something inside of me told me this would not be a good idea. So I continued to walk and make my way toward the light.

Alot of times in my spiritual life this is way I feel as well. I find myself in complete darkness and feeling my way through my life. God tells us repeatedly though that we do not have to be anxious or afraid because He is with us. Psalm 91 says:

"For it is He who delivers you from the snare

of the trapper, and from the deadly pestilence.

He will cover you with His pinions,

And under His wings you may seek refuge; His

faithfulness is a shield and bulwark.

You will not be afraid of the terror by night

or by the arrow that flies by day; Of

the pestilence that stalks in darkness, or

of the destruction that lays waste at noon."

Psalm 91:3-6

(NASB)

No matter the traps set for us by Satan or his demons, God has us covered. No matter what we run into in the darkness of this world God tells us we can come to Him and not be afraid because He is sovereign and knows what the next step will be whether we do or not. He is our light in the darkness and will guide us through this journey.

A Father's Love

2009-02-23T18:07:00.039-05:00

"How Deep The Father's Love For Us"

By: Phillips, Craig and Dean

How deep the Father's love for us
How vast beyond all measure
That He should give His only Son
And make a wretch His treasure
How great the pain of searing loss
The Father turns His face away
As wounds which mar the Chosen One
Bring many sons to glory

Behold the man upon the cross
My sin upon His shoulder
Ashamed I hear my mocking voice
Call out among the scoffers
It was my sin that held Him there
Until it was accomplished
His dying breath has brought me life
I know that it is finished

I will not boast in anything
No gifts, no power, no wisdom
But I will boast in Jesus Christ
His death and resurrection
Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

Why should I gain from His reward
I cannot give an answer
But this I know with all my heart
His wounds have paid my ransom

The air is cold and crisp. The sky begins to darken. The crowd begins to grow. Suddenly the thunder hits as if the sky has broken open and lightening flashes as if God has been angered enough to break the world apart. Can you imagine this much anger? Can you imagine how dark and desolate the soul must feel on a day like this. The world is eerily quiet and yet the crowds are screaming "KILL HIM! KILL HIM!" I may not have been there many years ago but my sins were. They were placed on an innocent man so that I may live. The leather strips were adorned with glass and other sharp objects to rip into his body with each forceful blow. His flesh became like hamburger and all they offered him was a vingar gall to satisfy His thirst. The metal ripped through His bones and muscles and flesh as they drove the spikes into his body. The night before He had been in anguish but where did He go? He went to His Father to express his anger, hurt, fear, and overall his unconditional love for us. He had known from the beginning this was His destiny and His end but He never ran away. He only Loved! On our worst of days. We may feel we are not worthy of anyone's love or anything in life. But as I stop to look back and see the sacrifice He made and the ransom He paid just for me, I can no longer say these things even if my feelings are there. I must step outside my own humanly given flesh to see a supernatural love, a love beyond anything the world could ever give. Words will never be enough. Nothing I ever do will be enough. But even this is ok because I come to see that it is not enough only because He has no expectation of me in coming to Him with my every need. He never forces His love upon me because that alone would not be love at all. He only offers it as a gift and waits for me to surrender and say "You Lord are all I need and more than enough!"

Satan's suduction or God's unconditional Love

2009-02-03T10:43:00.008-05:00

"When my heart was embittered, and

I was pierced within, Then I was

senseless and ignorant; I was like a

beast before Thee. Nevertheless

I am continually with Thee;

Thou has taken hold of my right hand.

With thy counsel Thou wilt guide me.

And afterward receive me to glory.

Whom have I in heaven but Thee?

And besides Thee, I desire nothing

on earth. My flesh and heart may fail,

But God is the strength of my heart

and my portion

FOREVER."

Psalm 73:21-26 (NASB)

Letting go has never been one of my strong points. I have spent the last several years working on it and admit I have gotten better but still not great at it. When I don't let go though, I tend to have lots of baggage and lots of trash like bitterness and anger build up inside just like an old abandoned building that others tend to dump there things into but never clean out. It begins to look nasty and ugly inside and the overall feeling is just disgust. I just thank God that He is patient with me and that my ignorance and senselessness does not cause Him to leave me. My flesh and my heart may fail me but God never will. His love is forever and it will always be unconditional and never change. Some see this as a right to do as they please but it isn't. When someone loves you that much it tends to make you want to live better and serve them in some way. This isn't always the case but if you truly accept the love God is giving you then it is more likely. This is not to say I will never be senseless or ignorant again but only that my desire is to serve God more and more each day. I can only pray that I will one day be perfect enough not to have the senseless in my life. But I must focus on that day when Christ returns and there is no more of it. The more I look at the way He desires me to live the more I see I have so much to work on and this causes me to depend on Him even more. It draws me closer to Him and I can only thank Him for that. The devil wants to prove the opposite to me. He tries to prove to me that when I am senseless and ignorant in situations that God takes His love from me each time. This IS a LIE!!! Satan then tries to seduce with all the things that he has to offer me such as looking at how those who don't love God live. He tries to show me how great they Feel or how much they seem to be gaining in the world around me such as good jobs, money, relationships. But these too are all lies if I focus on the end reward where they loose all this and those who love and live for God gain everything possible.

No longer Drowning

2009-01-29T18:10:00.003-05:00

The water is cold. The air is crisp. The sun is out and there are lots of children laughing and playing. I can hear them all around but over a very short period of time their voices become muffled and I began to loose the beauty of the day. I feel myself being pulled under by a force I can't explain at the moment. Everything seems to be moving in slow motion. My heart begins beating faster and faster by each small second. I can't breathe. The water is filling my mouth and then my lungs as I try hard to move my body upward toward the surface. Everything around me becomes darker and darker. I can no longer distinguish the details of the voices, the people, or the world around me. I fight it at first thinking I don't want this life to end this way. Over the next few quick moments I slowly give in and let the water suck me into it's cold arms never to know another moment of the day. Then suddenly just as quick as I had gone into the darkness, a hand reaches in and calls my name, very quietly beckoning me to come to it. In this moment I realize there really are those out there that care whether I live or die. I longer want to give in to the darkness. I want to fight it. I want to live.

When I was young, I experienced this feeling of drowning at camp one summer. At that time my brother was the hand reaching down to me and calling out for me to come back up and be a part of this world. He fought the darkness for me at that moment, but the more I think of this moment the more I see I have felt those same feelings at other times in my life even when I was no where near a body of water. I have felt the speed of my heart beating so fast I could hear it in my ears; and I have felt the feeling of my lungs being squeezed so tight I couldn't breathe. Sometimes it was brought on by fear and other times it was brought on by the feelings of depression and slipping away from this world into a world of deep darkness where no one could get to me.

Today as I read in my quiet time I began to think of this. I was reading in Psalm 70-71. David is crying out to God to be his deliverer. He has been through many trials and struggles and is desperately seeking some sense of comfort and relief from his circumstances.

Psalm 71:20 states

"Thou, Who has shown me many troubles

and distresses, Wilt revive me again, and

wilt bring me up again from the

depths of the earth."

(NASB)

Though David had been through many trials and struggles that affected him and his friends he was assured that even though he may have sunk to the deepest depths, God would be there to bring him back up to safety. He believed without a doubt that God was there and would not leave him. God our "Father" is the one reaching His hand down to pull us back up. We have to be willing to reach out our hand when He calls to us. He has given us His word which reminds us He is here with us. I have found that we must read it and claim it ALOUD so that it becomes real and ALIVE to us. If we are willing to do this we will know He is there and we will not be able to hear the sounds of the water rushing over us and pulling us down because God will be there to pull us up.

Other verses:

II Timothy 1:7
John 14:27
Proverbs 3:21
John 14:6
Ephesians ch. 6
Proverbs 4:23
II Corinthians 12:9

Best Friend or Worst Enemy

2009-01-26T15:15:00.009-05:00

Loneliness... It can be your best friend or your worst enemy. Have you ever been in a crowded room and still felt completely lonely, not alone but lonely. I have. I felt like I was the only one who truly understood the feelings or thoughts I may have been having at the moment. I have found recently that I can allow this emotion to be a friend or a very dangerous enemy. It depends on how I allow it to have control over me or if I take control of it and use it to learn and grow. In recent weeks I have not written much. I took a break. It was not all by accident but more by the avoidance of wanting to hear what God was saying to me. I was in a situation where I was lonely and felt I could and should leave it up to God to make it better. What I wasn't willing to hear was that God will give me His strength but he is not here to enable me to not take responsibilty for my own actions and efforts in a situation. Like all parent/ child relationships if the parent does every thing for the child, they become so dependant on them that they will give no effort to taking any responsibilty for their own choices and their own lives. God wanted me to see that He did give me a choice because He loves me and doesn't want to force me to love Him. This would not be love at all. Today as I read Psalm 68 I read :

"God makes a home for the lonely;

He leads out the prisoners into

prosperity, Only the rebellious dwell

in a parched land."

(Psalm 68:6 NASB)

In this verse the word for lonely in Hebrew was yachiyd which meant the life (as not to be replaced); desolate, only (child,son), solitary. God will not take me out of my lonely situation but He has provided a home for me in His plan. If I am willing to seek Him, He will lead me out of the situation into prosperity. I will not have to stay in the place of loneliness but I will move through it and into a place of growth from it. God doesn't do all the work for us and just pick us up and place us somewhere else. He stays with us through the moments and provides a better place for us if we are seeking Him. God doesn't wait until we are completely out of the situation to give us hope though. Psalm 68: 9 reads...

" Thou didst shed abroad plentiful

rain, O God; Thou didst confirm

Thine inheritance, when it was parched."

(NASB)

God provides even in the midst of things. The verses before verse nine speak of earth quakes and lots of rain. The situation I was in may have been very stressful and hard to handle at the time but God never left. I may have felt lonely and like no one understood but God wanted me to see He was there. Verse 19 states:

"Blessed be the Lord, who daily

bears our burden.

The God who is our

salvation"

(NASB)

The word daily in this verse is translated as remains or doesn't leave. It isn't just once a day that God comes and checks in on our lives. He REMAINS with us. He satisfies our spirit. He fills us. We can choose to allow loneliness to take over our emotions or our lives and be our worst enemy. Or we can choose to settle into loneliness and find the love God alone can give us.

A New Jesus?

2009-01-16T12:30:00.009-05:00

"Pride is spiritual Cancer;

it eats the very possibility of

love or contentment,

or even common sense."

C.S. Lewis (1898-1963)

I woke this morning fairly late. I lay there not wanting to get up but just relax and take some time away from the world outside today. It has brought so much good in the past few months and then so much pain in such a few short days. I lay there crying and praying and begging God to just give me one answer for today. He did. The more I lay in the bed, the more I began to look back over the past month. I began to see the small ways my pride has grown so much over the years and how God has used the last week to teach me so much about it. I didn't take much notice at the time though. About a week ago, I went to meet a friend of mine. We were talking about things that we had done in the past. Things we "felt" God couldn't or wouldn't forgive us for. When I told her my biggest problem was trying to forgive myself for things I had done, she ask me "What do you need a New Jesus?' Are you trying to be the New Jesus?" Yes it hurt when she first said it; but once I got past the shock of the question and the fact that no one had ever quite put it that way, I started to think about it and can't get it out of my head now. She began to explain to me that I had a great deal of pride I was not letting go of. I was trying to be self sufficient and do it on my own. She went on to explain how we get so caught up in the sin we have done and holding on to it, that we get to the point of believing He can't forgive us; and therefore, we don't believe in His Word. We just hold everything in and listen to the lies of Satan saying that things are all our fault, and that Christ couldn't love us anymore. We place ourselves in Christ position. This is pride. Even Christ Himself said "I can of mine own self do nothing." (John 5:30) He loved being dependent upon the Father. Yes we are unworthy of the type of Love He gives us, but He chooses to give it unconditionally. In order for me to get past my pride, I am daily needing to give Him my broken spirit.

When I worked at the group home in Asheville, I had to do an excercise that has stayed with me ever since then. I was asked to think of the most embarrassing and most private and most horrible thing I had ever done. Next we were told we would have to get up in front of an audience and share that secret with lots of people. No, we didn't have to. The excercise was for us to catch the reaction and the feeling that came with that direction. Can you imagine if the whole world knew every thought, feeling, desire, motive, and action you have ever had? I can't. I cringe even writing this. I know what those have been for me. God knows them also and I am deeply humbled that He truly knows me and loves me anyway. It is when I take these thoughts, feelings, desires, motives and turn them into selfish acts that I am showing pride and no longer showing love. I am trying to do things my own way. For example, I have strong lustful thoughts and try to control them on my but instead us them and act on them saying I know what is better for me. This is pride and it only brings myself and others pain. Another example would be if I am physically beautiful but I use this to manipulate others into what I want them to do and become very vane in my looks and focus only on them instead of what God has given me for honoring Him.

When my thoughts began to come at me this past month, I knew I needed to go immediately to God and confess them. My pride said "No, you can handle this on your own." I recently read a story that goes like this: "A prudent farmer cuts down weeds when they are young lest they spread their seeds and multiply. So let us observe the proud thought, confess it, and put it away." (J. Oswald Sanders:Replace Your Pride with Genuine Humility) There are many parts to this. Number one, the thought comes. Number two, we don't wait for it to grow before stopping it. Little things become big things before we know it. Little problems become big problems before we know it. I confess I didn't stop at the little thoughts. This is where my pride came in. I said I would be self sufficient instead of self disciplined which only comes by going and depending on God. I let the thought grow and trust me it is much harder to cut down when it gets bigger. Number three, Confess. We are so worried about what others will think that we hide in the darkness where the lies of satan live and grow rather than bringing our sins into the light where God can use them to help us grow instead. Confess and let those in faith and most of important God help us. This has always been a hard one for me. It requires trust and vulnerability and this is NOT easy. But in the long run it will allow me to grow, and learn to love the way God truly wants me and desires me to love myself and others. "The word 'proud' in James 4:6 signifies literally 'one who considers himself above other people"

Today I pray God will continue to teach me about pride,

will make me aware of when I am immediately,

and to forgive me for not loving others when I have pride.

Hiding Place

2009-01-14T13:41:00.003-05:00

"I love Thee, O Lord, my strength.

The Lord is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer,

My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge;

My shield and the horn of my salvation my stronghold.

I call upon the Lord, who is worthy to be

praised, and I am saved from my enemies.

The cords of death encompassed me,

and the torrents of ungodliness terrified me.

The cords of Sheol surrounded me;

The snares of death confronted me.

In my distress I called upon

the Lord, and cried to my God for help;

He heard my voice out of His temple,

and my cry for help before Him came

into His ears."

Psalm 18:1-6

(NASB)

This has to be one of my favorite Psalm. David ran from the hand of Saul for many years. Saul had his soldiers pursue David for years through the many mountains in the region. Though at times David became very worn out and exhausted He believed in God and believed He would deliver Him with all of his heart. Many times David cried out to God. God was stated to be his "rock, fortress, and deliverer." A rock is solid and in this case created a fortress in the mountain that consitently hid David from the enemy.

I have found myself recently crying out this passage praying for God to be my hiding place as the enemy seeks to destroy and demolish things in my life. I have found myself having to remind myself, as David did that God had rescued Him once, twice, many times before and this time was no different. God doesn't change! He is the same yesterday, today, and will be the same tomorrow. When things in my life get out of control my natural instinct is to go in search of a defense mechanism to my life around me, but the more I learn about God, the better I feel about being out of control in some ways because that means I can allow Him and will allow Him to be in control and I will accept and live by His sovereignty. This is not something for me to be scared of anymore. Thanks to Christ it is something I can rejoice in. It doesn't mean I don't stress, or have a bad day, or still have human instincts and fleshly desires. It only means that God is here If I am willing to let Him be sufficient for me.

Finishing the Race and helping others do the same

2009-01-08T20:46:00.007-05:00

Today I was reading about Derek Redmond, and later this evening I found this video on the internet as I was playing around. I remember watching parts of this on TV when it actually happened but never really thought about it. Reading about this event today, I learned a lot of things. I learned that Derek trained many years and worked very hard. I learned that when his hamstring snapped and he could no longer run on his on, his father came from the top of the stadium to run through security and defy them so that he could get to his son and help him finish the race. He was not trying to get him off the track, he was trying to help him finish the race. He gave his strength when his child had no more. It is not unlike how our own Heavenly father is willing to help us. . He doesn't want us to stop this race. He doesn't want us to just give our second best. We may not win first prize in this world's eyes but if we are running it for Him then we will definitely win the race.

Today I had the most amazing meeting with one of my friends. We haven't know one another very long. But we have some things in common that God has brought us together. She has been in a wheelchair for a long time. I spent four years in one. A lot of the spinal issues can be the same. A lot of the frustrations and pains can be the same. She loves to read; she loves to write; she loves to worship; she loves to help others. Today we spent a lot of time talking and sharing with one another. She has an amazing heart for God and loves Him in such a unique and inspirational way that is hard to explain in words. The spirit is just so exuberant in her. It is Incredible! She took some time today to hold me accountable on my race. She wanted me to finish the race and gave me a part of her loving spirit today. Thanks for everything Kelly. If you would like to see the amazing work she is doing then go to The Neighboorhood which is listed to the right or go to Keeping It Real. You can also see her new book at Living the Call .Kelly reminds me of someone like Derek Redmond who refuses to quit. She is willing to help others.

" Therefore, strengthen the hands
that are weak and the knees that
are feeble, and make straight paths
for your feet, so that the limb which
is lame may not be put out of joint, but rather healed."
Hebrews 12:12-13,
(NASB)

Fighting the Unseen

2009-01-06T14:37:00.009-05:00

Over the years I have loved the Precious Moments figurines. This one seen here is one of my favorites. It looks so sweet. But inside I know the battle it represents is so much more. It is no where near a childlike battle that we fight. The bible tells us that

"Our battle is not against
flesh and blood, but against the rulers, the authorities, against the powers
of this dark world and against the spiritual forces in the heavenly realms."
Ephesians 6:12 (NIV)

This is not a small or pretty childlike story that we tell our children in Sunday school or children's church. It is a bloody battle for souls where lives are being lost every day. Yet, this is an unseen battle that most don't take seriously or even believe in because they feel they can't actively participate in it. If we sat still for a moment and really took notice of things in our own lives we would see that we are in the battle actively everyday. We just are choosing not to use the tools given to us to win the battle. For many years I thought this same way. I lived in fear of many things. Then a friend began sending me certain verses from the Bible and asked me to repeat these everyday and remember them. I didn't really understand why at the time. The first one was 2 Tim 1:7 " For God did not give me a spirit of fear but a spirit of power, of love, and of self discipline." Then she sat down with me and began to show me what she called pieces of armor. She explained about the battle. I was reluctant to believe it though. Hey I couldn't see it, so why believe it? I was having a hard enough time with God at the time. This whole protection thing wasn't settling in with me. As I spoke earlier in the post titled "Trust" when someone has been vulnerable and then hurt very badly they have a hard time with relationships and this carries over to their relationship with God. That relationship is no different in this aspect. She showed me each piece of the armor and explained it's purpose.

Helmet of Salvation
Belt of Truth Buckled around your waist
Breastplate of Righteousness
Feet are fitted with readiness that comes from the gospel of peace
Shield of Faith
Sword of the Spirit, Word of God

Satan is a deceiver and known to lie. He likes to mess with our thoughts. Therefore God gave us something to protect our head.
If we hold that belt of truth tight around our waist then we will always have something to hold us up.
The Breastplate covers the core of our being... the chest, the heart. Proverbs 4:23 says "Above all else guard your heart, it is the wellspring of life."
God tells us to always be ready no matter where we go to spread His word and do it in peace for we never know when He will come. He gives us the shoes to do this with.
The shield of faith allows us a way to protect ourselves from the arrows that the dark world throws at us.
These are all offensive pieces of armor but He does give us a defensive piece of armor when He gives us His word to fight with as a sword. It cuts deep! Satan can not run from it. Yes he knows it but he does not live by it or respect it. He does not BELIEVE in it.

Put these pieces of armor on. Say them aloud. It is not easy especially when you don't have much strength to do so. But....

"My grace is sufficient for you, for my power
is made perfect in weakness. Therefore I
will boast all the more gladly about my
weaknesses, so that Christ's power may rest on me."

2 Corinthians 12:9-10(NIV)

also

"The Lord will fight for you;
you need only be still."
Exodus 14:14 (NIV)

Remember when fighting the unseen you do have the tools and you do have someone on your side who will never leave you.

Speaking to Me?

2009-01-05T13:39:00.006-05:00

This past Sunday our service at church was Awesome. We have recently opened our Monroe Campus of Southbrook Church and our pastor has been speaking instead of us having a video feed until we get the new year started up again. He has been speaking on how to live our lives consistently in certain areas and this week the area was prayer. The whole time he spoke it felt as if he was talking directly to me. You ever have this happen to you? The examples he gave and the questions he asked just made so much sense to me. He explained how most of us tend to end up looking at God as if He is some genie in a bottle granting the wishes we want. We really tend to do this when we read John 15:1-8 but only focus on the verse 7 which states "If you remain in me and my words remain in you, ask whatever you wish, and it will be given to you." We confine God to a box, or a lamp if you will, in our lives. We do not allow Him the possibilities of what He can do with us or through us. We begin bargining for things.... "I will never yell at this person or hurt them again if you only let them live". "I promise to use the majority of the money for the church and for giving to people who need things, but please just help me win the lottery." Do these sound familiar? "I promise never to have those old sexual or emotional patterns if you just give me a partner and a family."

Well this is not how prayer works. We don't usually get instant gratification from prayer. God is not a genie or magician and He is not someone we hire to do tricks for us. We do not enlist Him as much as we may try. The purpose of prayer is to talk to God. To be real with God. Does He already know? YES... The why? Because He wants to know you are willing since He did give you a will. Prayer is a place to take our desires and change them to be more like the desires God has for our hearts. These are the desires He gives. One of my greatest desires and greatest needs is to be loved. Today as I was traveling to Physical therapy I was listening to the radio and a song by the Barlow Girls came on. It is entitled I Need You To Love Me . Here are the words:

Why? Why are you still here with me?
Didn’t you see what I’ve done?
In my shame I want to run,
And hide myself.
Yeah, but it’s here I see the truth,
I don’t deserve you.

But I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me

I, I have wasted so much time
Pushing you away from me.
I just never saw how you
Could cherish me.

Cause you’re a God who has all things,
And still you want me.

And I need you to love me,
And I, I won’t keep my heart from you this time.
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
Yeah, ye-ea-eah

Your love makes me forget what I have been.
Your love makes me see who I really am.
Your love makes me forget what I have been, oh-oh.

And I need you to love me, yeah
I need you to love me, ye-ea-eah!
And I’ll stop this pretending that I can,
Somehow deserve what I already have
Somehow deserve what I already have
I need you to love me, yeah
I need you to…
oh oh oh oh eo (x4)
Love me, love me, yah

by Barlow Girls

My prayer today is that I will once again give Him my heart today and allow Him to love me and that I will trust that love.

"Therefore confess your sins to each
other and pray for each other
so that you may be healed.
The prayer of a righteous man
is powerful and effective."
James 5:16 (NIV)

Trust

2008-12-30T22:38:00.003-05:00

To have a relationship with anyone, I have been learning that Trust is a VERY key part in order for that relationship to grow and to last. If trust does not exist, the relationship can be destroyed by negative attitudes and actions. This lack of trust may have been caused by a previous abuse, disappointment, or any type of wound given to us when we dared to make ourselves vulnerable to someone in our lives.

It is no different to create a deeper and more intimate relationship with God. We must have Trust. We must deepen that trust. We must be willing to take steps into places where we have never gone before and where we don't see the steps ahead of us or the outcome of the situations. These decisions are the decisions affected by those attitudes we carry from our past. It may be a view we have of our earthly father, a judge, or of any authority figure in our life, etc. We can instead choose for these decisions to be the decisions we choose to change and transform our lives , our pain, our wounds and make us the person God wants us to be.

"The thief comes only to steal and kill
and destroy; I have come that
they may have life, and have
it to the full."
John 10:10 (NIV)

The choice is ours. We can chose to live by allowing the thief to steal and kill and destroy and live by the pain and wounds of the past or we can chose to allow God to transform our lives and give us life and give it to us eternally and fully.

A few pics from the season

2008-12-27T22:16:00.022-05:00

Choosing Family

2008-12-27T20:47:00.003-05:00

"Friend In Heart"
A friend is someone
you adopt into the
family of your heart.
Close friends become
your chosen family.

This Christmas season, this poem was given to me as my Christmas gift. Because of the changes in my life recently and over the past year, this poem means a great deal to me. This Christmas Season I was challenged to go beyond my old patterns in my life and make some new decisions. Some of those new decisions included going beyond my fears and saying no to things I did not want to do anymore. I had to stop doing things for other people and stop trying to do things just because it may have made them happy or because it may have been a tradition that once was. I realized when given this challenge that over the years I have grown up, my beliefs have changed as I grew up, but a lot of my patterns had not because I was too afraid to stop traditions I no longer believed in, or went against things I now believed in. I had to go beyond that this season. I chose to spend Christmas with other families that had invited me into their homes for Christmas. Most of them were either old friends from high school or were friends I now call family from church. God gave us a bond that is made stronger by the Spirit He left here with us. Thank you God for the many blessings you gave me this season. Thank you most of all for the beautiful gift of a humble beginning of the baby Jesus who came to save the world. Thank you for choosing me as your family.

What a Weekend

2008-12-17T12:13:00.011-05:00

The season of Christmas is spent many different ways for different families. For me, this year I decided to spend Christmas by splitting my time between different people which meant that the act of Christmas would not all be done on the day of Christmas. This past weekend I celebrated Christmas with my niece. Our weekend was Very busy. Friday was just the two of us. She arrived at my house after she got out of school for the week. She had lots of energy as usual. I was so excited to see her, as I do not get to see her as much as I did when I lived with her. Since I have had to learn to live with a disability as part of my life, part of that is learning to manage a smaller budget. Part of that is learning to decide what is most important especially when it comes to times like this at Christmas. That evening Torie opened her present. Yes Present as in one. I had finally come to terms with no longer feeling guilty that I could not buy her a lot. The Sunday before the pastor spoke about a "One Gift" message. He challenged us to think about giving our children only one present for Christmas. Why? We tend to buy our children all these presents and they open them all excited and then when they are done the excitement of Christmas is over and nothing is left except the searches for batteries or the arguments for who will play the games or the anger that a game won't work. Then he explain how there is so much more to Christmas than that our children could be focusing on if we only gave one gift and focused on the real reason for Christmas just one time. This wasn't my reasoning in buying one gift for my niece but it sure did help in discussing Christmas with her and even more it helped me in seeing my motives and my own heart toward Christmas so much clearer. If you would like to hear this podcast go to SouthbrookChurch.com and search for the podcast One Gift.
My niece and I then went the next morning to Jackson Park Ministries to help deliver presents to different families in the area. It was the first time the both of us had an opportunity to work with this organization. It is an Amazing organization which helps the community. The majority of families that we saw that day were unable to let there small children play outside due to continued violence in the area around there homes. Even though they wanted so much to have more for their children they still had a part of them that either believed in that One great gift of Christmas or we were able to share that One Great Gift with them.
That evening I took my niece with me to my small group Christmas party. It was a fun filled time of food and friends who are like family and gift games. We were all able to share in one another's lives and spend time together as a family in the love of Christ. It also gave me a chance to take some photos that I don't get to do a lot of these days. Here are a few.

To wrap up our weekend I was able to go and watch my niece sing at the church I grew up in on Sunday night. Sometime before that day I had given her a poster to hang on her wall at home. It was a poster with a cross and the verse John 3:16 on it. The children singing that night were suppose to bring a wrapped present with them but she had not let me know this or apparently anyone else. She instead chose to open the poster right before going and take it instead. They were not giving it to someone at church but it was to be there gift in the play to Jesus that they would lay down. It was the thing she had and therefore she was going to give it. The more I thought about it, the more it hit me. She had been so proud of that poster and yet she was so willing to give it. I think why can't I do more of that? Why can't I be more willing to give the most important things to me?

Bowing to One Master

2008-12-02T12:00:00.008-05:00

The Christmas Season is now officially upon us. The tree is trimmed, the stockings are hung, the gifts are being wrapped, and the lists are being checked. We are looking back on a year that is soon to end and wondering if we did everything we could or wanted to in the time we had. Christmas is a time to give and in doing so search our hearts in how we give.

Do I believe in Santa? Of course I do! The magic of Christmas given to me as a child will always live in my heart. I love to be surprised on Christmas morning with presents that I never expected to get from someone. I love to watch the eyes of a child who has never gotten Christmas presents from anyone, get the one thing they have always wanted, or to get anything that was on their list.

But who do I serve at Christmas? Jesus! Even Santa knows that one. My heart can only belong to one master.

"No one can serve two masters; for either
he will hate the one and love the
other, or he will hold to one and despise the other.
You cannot serve God and money."
Matthew 6:24 (NASB)

When I am giving this Christmas, what will my motives be? Who will I be serving? Am I looking to see if I can buy the most presents or out spend someone? Who am I bowing to?

"Every Knee will bow, Every tongue confess
that Jesus Christ is Lord."
even Santa's

Thank You

2008-11-21T15:58:00.004-05:00

Coming up is a holiday many of us tend to jump right past and go from Halloween straight to Christmas. We tend to forget to the one day of Thanksgiving which is so very important. This year I had the opportunity to get my decorations for Christmas put up early and try to do my shopping a little earlier than normal, but I have tried to be very aware that I do not forget the day of Thanksgiving this year. God has blessed me so very much. I want to make sure that I do take the time to really set aside time to thank Him. I have noticed that I don't need to do this just this one day of the year but I need to do this every day of the year. I do want to take time right now to say some things I am thankful for though.
1. My Savior
2. My niece
3. My slow renewal of health this past year
4. My own space to live and be in
5. My best friend DJ
6. God's healing
7. God's strength
8. God's unconditional and never ending love
9. Finally finishing a book that I have wanted to write to help others most of my life
10. Finding my love of art again

and so many more things... that I would spend days writing.

Thank you is two very small words that most people don't think to say, but they are two words that can mean so much. Take the extra time to say them.

"That I may proclaim with the voice
of Thanksgiving, and
declare all Thy wonders."
Psalm 26:7 (NASB)

Glimpses and Choices

2008-11-16T18:51:00.004-05:00

This weekend I got a glimpse of things that I didn't really like. I didn't need the magic mirror but I find it ironic that I tend to have a living walking mirror walking around in my little niece. She stayed with me this weekend. Today as we got up neither of us felt very good due to the change in weather affecting both of our allergies. We decided to take things a little easy today . I still ask her to go and take a shower and get herself ready though because her daddy would be picking her up later in the day. Everything was fine until I ask her to take care of her own hair. You see, my niece has very curly hair that if not maintained with a moisturizer on a daily basis it can cause a severe catastrophy that can only be solved by a long shower and LOTS of conditioner and LOTS of moisturizer. She took care of the first part but did not want to follow through with the second. She has this thing about not liking lotion or any type of cream on her hands because of the way it feels. I explained she could was her hands just like I do.

BAM

I had rocked her world. I told her something she did not like to hear and did not want to hear at that moment and she was furious. I could see it on her face. She got very quiet and began to whine a little begging me to do it for her. I repeated that I would not. She finally began working on her hair herself, but her anger remained their and began to grow. She just got quieter and did not want to talk calmly about it. A few moments later as I turned around I noticed her wiping her hands on my sheets. She didn't wash them. She just wiped them on my sheets. This made me furious. I now needed to make a choice. I could act in anger and give her an example of handling her anger another bad way or I could calm myself and immediately ask for God's help to restrain all of my emotion and my tongue. I had seen in her so much of me and the old way of handling my anger in that one moment that I know I needed to make the right decision. I needed to talk to her calmly. Every part of my being begged for God's control in my life at that one moment. I needed His strength.

As I began to talk to her she began to lie. Not exactly something that helps my anger by the way but God was there. I stopped talking and pointed it out and then stopped until we both had a while to think the situation over and let her know I would come back to it.

Thank you God for your strength and guidance. Thank you for loving me and teaching me better ways to live my life. Thank you for my living little mirror which challenges me each day.

My First

2008-11-11T22:17:00.004-05:00

The following is a small preview of my very first book. It is a small collection of poetry, art, and a few photographs. My prayer for this book is only that it will be used to honor God and glorify Him, That it can be used to help women and possibly men to be released from bondage and see the unconditional amazing love and Grace Christ has for them.

By Grace

The Ignorance of a Nation or a World?

2008-11-04T17:17:00.003-05:00

Today I woke with a simple plan to walk to the voting poles to clear my head and take a moment to think over my choices one last time before voting. Most people who know me, know I hate politics with ever fiber of my being. But, I still consider it my duty to walk in to that building every four years and place my vote for the man or woman who will be responsible to make the decisions that will affect this country and affect the lives of all who live here. When I think of all the things that people try to fight over during election years I think I see more ignorance come out in the nation and in the world than in any other time of the year. The things that people hold dearest to their heart tend to come closest to the surface at those times but also the things that people believe in, give time to, give money to, or think may give them some type of advantage some how tend to show more. People don't hide them as much.

Today as my ballot was given to me and I filled in the circles on the ballot I listened to the people around me talking. I heard a conversation next to me about how the world had changed over the years and how this woman's particular neighborhood had changed. The more she talked, the more she proved my point. She began to talk about how she lived in a small community neighborhood that the houses were nice and clean and quiet but then years later another ethnic group started to move in and how the neighborhood changed. She said this as if they were the cause of the problems that then began to happen. The longer the conversation went on the more ignorance I saw.

Why do I feel or see it this way? When I look at the election and see the arguments going on about the race issue, it makes me angry. We as adults have choices. We can choose to hate and we can choose to remember the past and hold on to it and use that energy to hate and hurt ourselves and others, OR we can choose to FORGIVE and move forward. We can teach real love. My niece is a biracial child. I love her with every part of my being. She has taught me more about love than I can ever imagine. It is funny because the only reason I even use the term biracial is to describe which one in the photo above is her. She would say "I am the brown one." But I don't see color. She has continued to teach me not to. Her cousin is very protective of her. If they can live in this type of love why do we have to learn such hate as adults? Who is teaching us such hate that we are choosing to listen to it and hold on to it?

Where Must the Credit Go

2008-10-30T18:52:00.002-04:00

"We're not barging in on the rightful,
work of others, interfering with
their ministries, demanding
a place in the sun with them.
What we're hoping for is
that as your lives grow in
faith, you'll play a part within our
expanding work. And we'll all still be within
the limits God sets as we proclaim the
Message in countries beyond Corinth.
But we have no intention of moving in on what others
have done and taking credit for it. 'If you want to claim credit,
claim it for God.' What you say about
yourself means nothing in God's work. It's
what God says about you that makes the
difference."
2Corinthians 10:15-18
(The Message)

Recently I have taken some time from writing on my blog. It mainly had to do with not being able to come up with anything to write and just being blank inside. I have been doing a lot of work inside though I have not written about it. I just have felt it was between God and me.

Man looks at the outer appearance,
but God searches the heart.
1Samuel 16:7

The more I have learned over the past several weeks, the more I have begun to search my motives for doing things such as having a blog, creating my art, taking photos, etc. What I want most is my answer to be that I am glorifying God. What I notice if I am being honest with myself though is that I sometimes get consumed with my accomplishments and daily work and at times I in my flesh will become prideful. So...

"today I lay this down and give it to you Lord only
to boast in you and in seeing the gifts which you
have allowed me to have to honor you
as I am here on this earth.
Amen"

Working Through the Blank Space

2008-10-29T22:29:00.002-04:00

Tonight I sit staring at the screen, wanting to write, needing to write. I haven't written in days, weeks. I just can't seem to get the words to come and form a complete sentence. I can't even get them to just come at all in short spurts. My brain just seems blank. It isn't as if I am not learning or taking things in each day, because I am doing that. God is teaching me so much right now and yet It these are things that just seem to be between Him and I right now. They are personal and between us as if they are things He needs me to learn and keep within me to know that I am putting Him first in my life. I need to know that within myself I think as well. It is almost as if I have to trust myself that I am doing that.

Training Wheels

2008-10-13T10:20:00.008-04:00

I miss the pitter patter of little feet running through the house. I miss the giggles and silence I heard coming from the other room when I knew she would eventually come out and say something like "How do you like it?", or "I didn't do it!". I miss the dress up played only with a diaper and a pair of shoes five times the size of her foot and an old ball cap of daddys she had found. I think of dress up days, when she came out in a dress or shirt , lipstick, pretty pearl necklaces, all the rings that would fit on her tiny fingers, and a purse to fit on her arm. The purse she would carry would practically have her whole bedroom in it if you would let her. It had scrap papers, games, books, crayons, old make up cases, more jewelry. She had anything to make her a "grown up" in there. That included a used walmart gift card, which by the way, "Was a CREDIT CARD!" I was very quickly informed. I miss those days. Now we have moved on to giggles but they include talks of little boys that may be in the newest teenage craze band, Jonas Brothers included of course. We of course couldn't leave out specifically mentioning Nick Jonas, or she "just might die". Everything has become a story in dramatic form to be told as if to be the next latest greatest story on the evening news. Her eyes are sparkling with every word she speaks as long as you don't ruin that story by asking her to clean her room or clean up the latest mess she has made.
Then the life slowly drains from her as she clutches her body and falls to the closest soft place where she can begin to sing that whining song of "Do I have to?" You can't help but laugh just because you know it is a routine you have heard before and will hear again because you know you did it all yourself. When I think of all these things, I quickly try to think of what dreams I had at that age. I try to think of what types of things I experienced at that age and how they have changed in today's world. Lets face it, if we would all take a step back and stop pressuring the kids of today so much, their dreams aren't much different than ours. They want good jobs, they want money to get the things they want or need. They want to get married and some want children. So why do they all seem sex crazed and into the drugs and alcohol and rock and roll and that is all we see as adults. Maybe as the adults we should take enough responsibility to look at what we are teaching them by our own actions and not just our words. Are we forcing our dreams upon them? Are we trying to live our dreams through them? Are we really listening to them? Do we consider them as someone to be listened to? It is time to take our training wheels off and be the adult so they can be the child.

The following video is extremely powerful but must be watched with caution. Please take the time to watch it. Children DO Learn what they live! and Your actions will speak louder than your words.

"Train a child in the way he should go,
and when he is old he will not turn from it."
Proverbs 22:6

In the Storms

2008-10-08T13:16:00.003-04:00

"The Lord is near to the
brokenhearted and saves
those who are crushed
in spirit"
Psalm 34:18 (NASB)

Ever feel as if your world is being swept up in a storm that you can't control or ever seem to understand? Ever read something and then find out it means something different than what you thought it did? Well if this gives you any hint... this is how my life recently and my day has gone. I read this passage today and if I really wanted to, I could have easily given myself the biggest pity party you have ever seen. Instead my need to be vulnerable with God won over that one today. I began looking deeper into the context of this verse and found that when it was written David was running from Saul and ran into the camp of a king who's men he had killed a lot of over the years. To get out of this situation before someone found out about him, he decided to play as if he were a madman, hoping that the king would have mercy on him in some way. The king kicked him out of his city and David ran into the hills to hide. In a way David was lying and playing a game being someone he was not just to get out of a situation he himself had created. So when David began to write his praises to God in the following verses he had to show that he knew he was still not without sin. He loved God but he was not a perfect man and not all his troubles were going to be gone just because his life was God's. In this particular verse e-sword live describes it like this:

The phrase, "them that are of a broken heart,"
occurs often in the Bible. It refers to a condition
when a burden "seems" to be on the heart, and when
the heart "seems" to be crushed by sin or sorrow; and
it is designed to describe a consciousness of deep guilt,
or the heaviest kind of affliction and trouble.

God never promised to take away all our troubles. They will continue. But He did promise to be here with us and teach us to go THROUGH them and be there with us when we do. This is what is preparing us for our life with Him. It may be hard and sometimes it feels harder than we can handle but this is when we have to look and ask what is our part, what did we contribute to it, and what can we do to change it.

Not Knowing

2008-10-02T20:51:00.028-04:00

Last month we took my three of my nieces to "Monkey Joes" . For those of you who have never been there, it is an aunt or mother's dream on a rainy or VERY hot day. It is an indoor air conditioned playground with lots of slides and things to climb on. I give you photos in a moment. Anyway, The photo to the right is NOT usually what children look like when they go there. My dear niece was not given privy to all the information on a conversation that she desired and this was the result. It made me start thinking though about how we react some times when we, as children of God, react when He does not give us all the information we want right when we want it. Since I was a child I have known a verse :

Psalm 119:105
"Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path."

but recently I heard it explained very differently than I ever had before by my Pastor, Rob Singleton. He said,

" Unto my feet? What’s up with the lighting around the feet bit?
It’s just that—light for your very next step and maybe a step or two beyond—but no more. Why?
Light the whole path and who needs faith? Shine a light three years into the future and you’ll say, “See ya, God. I can take it from here. I mean, I can see there is a nasty sharp left about a mile ahead and three forks in the road immediately after that and the light goes right first, then left, then right again. Thanks for the info, don’t call me, I’ll call you.”
God knows this about us—all of us. We like things mapped out, safe, comfortable, predictable, no scary curves along the way. But the problem with this again is that it completely deactivates faith. And without faith…
Well, you know the rest."

I loved the way he explained that because it hit home so much for me. When given certain amounts of information, I tend to try to be independent a little too much and do things without Him and well.... they usually don't end up right. I usually end up looking like my niece, and I had the information. So in those cases... lets face it, we aren't satisfied either way. We get angry when He doesn't answer us, but when He does and it doesn't go our way, we want to blame someone. Instead, if we would just be patient and just let His light be our guide, we may just let the master creator, who KNOWS what He is doing, have our best interest at heart and things wouldn't take as long and be as hard sometimes. We might even be happy.

Safest Place to Be

2008-09-29T21:27:00.003-04:00

"In thee, O Lord, I have taken refuge;
Let me never be ashamed;
In Thy righteousness deliver me.
Incline Thine ear to me, rescue
me quickly; Be thou to me a
rock of strength,
A stronghold Thou art my rock and
my fortress; For thy names sake
Thou wilt lead me and guide me.
Thou wilt pull me out of the net
which they have secretly laid
for me; For Thou art my strength. "
Psalm 31:1-4 (NASB)

Have you ever been walking along and fell into a hole or fell over something you didn't see? Or maybe you did see it and still fell. There are a lot of times in life that people around us set little holes or traps for us like this. Sometimes they mean to and sometimes they don't, but either way they still affect our lives. If we don't pay attention and take the time to set aside to ask God to be with us throughout the day some of these traps may catch us by surprise and we may get caught in them. In this passage David speaks of being "caught in the net" and having God "pull him out of the net". He relies on God to be there and be his guide and his strength through each day. He also relies on God to show Him that he no longer has to be ashamed no that God has redeemed him from his past and created a refuge for him. I only pray that today I will deliberately solely depend on God to be my guide. I need His strength and His fortress to surround me in this harsh world. It is the safest place to be.

Finding a new way to Focus

2008-09-23T22:00:00.007-04:00

I love sports. I love to play them and I love to watch them. My two favorite sports are softball and basketball. I could live on a basketball court if you would let me. I have gotten to where I cant' watch a lot of it on TV these days though. I just feel the players of today have lost the real focus and meaning of the game. I see a lot of kids playing sports and not learning a thing in school. I see them use sports as a way out of their situation. They have hopes set on lots of money and fame and material things that don't last and can be taken from them in the passing of a moment.

When I was in school I had a hard time playing sports because I had so much pressure on me. When I graduated from school I was able to play for fun and played so much better. My focus was on the fun of the game and the things that I got out of it were much more rewarding and lasted a lifetime.

I remember the feeling I would get as I placed a basketball in my hand a stepped onto the court. I immediately would begin to focus and the world around me would melt away. There was no one and nothing there but me and God. This was one of my greatest times of worship. It wasn't about the winning or losing for me. It was about the time I was away from the world and spending time with Him.

I haven't been able to play much ball since I found out about my spinal disorder but I have had to find another way to worship Him and find this same closeness and focus on Him to the same degree.

Next Step in the Path

2008-09-15T19:28:00.006-04:00

It is always so exhausting and yet so exciting when you are on a search for answers in your life about what direction God wants you to go. God has been so faithful and so amazing on this journey with the many tidbits of information and wisdom He has given me. This past Sunday my pastor made a statement that has really stuck in my mind for this whole week. He said "Pride can't exist where Brokenness is!" In today's world we sometimes see brokenness as a bad thing and pride as a really good thing. But we can't allow God to really change our hearts unless we are willing to be broken. I have learned that being broken has meant for me to find someone or a group of someone especially God to be vulnerable with and real with. When I do this my pride and my borders and walls break down. I don't have to be something I am not. I don't have to defend everything about who I am or what position I take. I am allowed to just be. When I first began doing this I remember being so terribly scared. I still get that way at times and that is when God is always there to reassure me of His faithfulness. Today In my quiet time I began reading in Psalm 22. David started out in anguish as well as this psalm is one where he states how hard his life has been from one point of view since his birth and the things that came with the status of his right bestowed upon him. I don't think it would exactly be easy to be told he was going to be king as a boy or to take on a giant. Remember he had brothers who played jokes on him because of his stature and size and position in the family. Then to have Saul want to kill him and chase him through the mountains and pursue him could not have been easy. Now look at this as if it were today. Are you the youngest, the middle, the skiniest, the fattest, the oldest who must take on responsibilities, or in a relationship which is volatile? Do you have someone wanting to hurt you emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually? Are you homeless, made fun of for some reason? David started this chapter in anguish until he got his focus on track. In verse 4 he looks to how God was faithful to our fathers.

"In you our fathers put their trust;
they trusted and you delivered them.
They cried to you and were saved;
in you they trusted and were not disappointed."
v.4 (NIV)

David knows that he can not go and ride along on his forefathers tailcoats and must have his own relationship with God. He states how his life has been since he was born but in the next few verses he is adiment to point out how he may change but God never does and His faithfulness is still the same.

"From birth I was cast upon you;
from my mother's womb you have
been my God.
Do not be far from me,
for trouble is near
and there is no one to help. "
v.10-11(NIV)
and v.19 states
"But you, O Lord,
be not far off;
O my strength, come quickly
to help me"

As I have read the book of Psalms these past few weeks, another story has come to my mind off and on for some reason. Today I decided to look it up as I was doing my quiet time. God has been speaking to me a lot about my dependence on Him and about His strength and faithfulness in my life. As I looked for this story it too had to do with these subjects. It was the story of Jacob wrestling God. I have read this story before but never can I remember paying so close attention to the detail as I did today. Sometimes I have to laugh at God. I don't mean that in a blasphemous way or a mean way. But when I read this story... I had to laugh. Come on... Jacob was struck in the hip socket after wrestling and limped after that. I too have been limping from pain in my back and hip ever since I returned back to my home of origin. How can I not laugh about that? If there is one thing my mother always told me it was that I was a stubborn human being. I know this in some circumstances can be a bad thing but it is a good trait in some ways. In this story of Jacob he was leaving his home and fleeing Laban. God had told him to go back to the land of his fathers and relatives. Jacob had stolen his brothers birth-rite . How could he do that? There were some tensions in his family of origin and God had asked him to go back there. This is not an easy thing to do. Eight years ago I had to do the same thing. I think I have asked God everyday for the last seven years WHY? Like I said, I can be a stubborn person. Even though that whole time, I have learned so much about myself and about God I continued to ask that question for some reason. I finally stopped asking it and just said God show me why I am here and what you want me to do. Yes I still have dreams to live other places and to travel and do a lot of things but God has me right here for some reason; and like Jacob, He called me back here and this struggling and wrestling must end. Jacob wrestled with God and God blessed him greatly. He met with Esau, his brother, and God blessed that as well. God continued to be faithful. Jacob, before meeting Esau, gave him many of his possessions trying to find favor with him. But after finally seeing him, Esau ran only to meet his brother. God doesn't want all of the things we keep trying to put in front of him and all the "fluff" we keep trying to fill Him with when we are not being real or trying to put on a show for others. He wants the real us. He wants all the ugliness. The Jacob who stole the birth-rite, the stubborn person I am, the weariness of David at times, etc. I still am not totally clear about why God brought me back here for, but I can't wait to see the next step in the path.

Struggles to Victories

2008-09-14T22:42:00.003-04:00

I have been struggling a lot lately about where God has been leading me on certain things in my life. I want to know what I am suppose to do when It comes to my finances so I started to take some online classes to try to help myself make a little extra money to suppliment my disability income that I get. I hope to one day not be in so much pain and get back to a point that I can make it through a full day of work and not be so tired or in pain. I have also been struggling over a lot of other issues in my life. I don't have any children of my own but my niece is VERY important in my life after raising her the last five years. We have a very unique bond and a very special one at that. Her growth physically, emotionally, mentally, and spiritually are all very important to me. When I watch her struggle on a daily basis to make decisions based on peer pressure or pressure due to other things in her life it hurts me severely . Most of the time she is a very happy child but she struggles at times with her self esteem and I already see the people pleasing issues building in her. It breaks my heart when I try so hard to explain to her that it is only important for her to love God and know who she is in Him and to not worry what others think of her. My most recent struggle, at least the one I am willing to share with you, is that I have a Great passion for my church. I have been struggling recently over this because I felt my passion for my church was being over looked no matter how hard I tried to give it to them. Then tonight I had a talk with my small group that I just recently joined. I have been sitting hear thinking about what we talked about and maybe it isn't that my passion is being overlooked. Maybe it is that my passion just needs to be rerouted. If they won't use it at the Central campus or help me to figure out how or where to use it on the new campus since I thought I had to wait for them to okay these things then maybe I should just get some things started on a small scale on my own and use my passion that way and go from there. Don't let others or myself kill my passion or use anything as an excuse. Know who God is and serve Him in anyway I can. He is Big so let Him do the work in me and lead me. Keep my focus on Him and Him alone.

"O Lord, the king rejoices in your strength.
How great is his joy in the victories you give!
You have granted him the desires of his heart
and have not withheld the request of his lips.
You welcomed him with rich blessings and
placed a crown of pure gold on his head.
He asked you for life and you gave it to him---
length of days, for ever and ever. Through the victories you gave,
his glory is great; you have bestowed on him
splendor and majesty."
Psalm 21:1-5 (NIV)

My Safe Place

2008-09-09T19:41:00.004-04:00

1 For the choir director. A Psalm of David the servant of the LORD, who spoke to the LORD the words of this song in the day that the LORD delivered him from the hand of all his enemies and from the hand of Saul. And he said, "I love You, O LORD, my strength."

2 The LORD is my rock and my fortress and my deliverer, My God, my rock, in whom I take refuge; My shield and the horn of my salvation, my stronghold.

3 I call upon the LORD, who is worthy to be praised, And I am saved from my enemies.

4 The cords of death encompassed me, And the torrents of ungodliness terrified me.

5 The cords of Sheol surrounded me; The snares of death confronted me.

6 In my distress I called upon the LORD, And cried to my God for help; He heard my voice out of His temple, And my cry for help before Him came into His ears.

7 Then the earth shook and quaked; And the foundations of the mountains were trembling And were shaken, because He was angry.

8 Smoke went up out of His nostrils, And fire from His mouth devoured; Coals were kindled by it.

9 He bowed the heavens also, and came down With thick darkness under His feet.

10 He rode upon a cherub and flew; And He sped upon the wings of the wind.

11 He made darkness His hiding place, His canopy around Him, Darkness of waters, thick clouds of the skies.

12 From the brightness before Him passed His thick clouds, Hailstones and coals of fire.

13 The LORD also thundered in the heavens, And the Most High uttered His voice, Hailstones and coals of fire.

14 He sent out His arrows, and scattered them, And lightning flashes in abundance, and routed them.

15 Then the channels of water appeared, And the foundations of the world were laid bare At Your rebuke, O LORD, At the blast of the breath of Your nostrils.

16 He sent from on high, He took me; He drew me out of many waters.

17 He delivered me from my strong enemy, And from those who hated me, for they were too mighty for me.

18 They confronted me in the day of my calamity, But the LORD was my stay.

19 He brought me forth also into a broad place; He rescued me, because He delighted in me.

20 The LORD has rewarded me according to my righteousness; According to the cleanness of my hands He has recompensed me.

21 For I have kept the ways of the LORD, And have not wickedly departed from my God.

22 For all His ordinances were before me, And I did not put away His statutes from me.

23 I was also blameless with Him, And I kept myself from my iniquity.

24 Therefore the LORD has recompensed me according to my righteousness, According to the cleanness of my hands in His eyes.

25 With the kind You show Yourself kind; With the blameless You show Yourself blameless;

26 With the pure You show Yourself pure, And with the crooked You show Yourself astute.

27 For You save an afflicted people, But haughty eyes You abase.

28 For You light my lamp; The LORD my God illumines my darkness.

29 For by You I can run upon a troop; And by my God I can leap over a wall.

30 As for God, His way is blameless; The word of the LORD is tried; He is a shield to all who take refuge in Him.

31 For who is God, but the LORD? And who is a rock, except our God,

32 The God who girds me with strength And makes my way blameless?

33 He makes my feet like hinds' feet, And sets me upon my high places.

34 He trains my hands for battle, So that my arms can bend a bow of bronze.

35 You have also given me the shield of Your salvation, And Your right hand upholds me; And Your gentleness makes me great.

36 You enlarge my steps under me, And my feet have not slipped.

37 I pursued my enemies and overtook them, And I did not turn back until they were consumed.

38 I shattered them, so that they were not able to rise; They fell under my feet.

39 For You have girded me with strength for battle; You have subdued under me those who rose up against me.

40 You have also made my enemies turn their backs to me, And I destroyed those who hated me.

41 They cried for help, but there was none to save, Even to the LORD, but He did not answer them.

42 Then I beat them fine as the dust before the wind; I emptied them out as the mire of the streets.

43 You have delivered me from the contentions of the people; You have placed me as head of the nations; A people whom I have not known serve me.

44 As soon as they hear, they obey me; Foreigners submit to me.

45 Foreigners fade away, And come trembling out of their fortresses.

46 The LORD lives, and blessed be my rock; And exalted be the God of my salvation,

47 The God who executes vengeance for me, And subdues peoples under me.

48 He delivers me from my enemies; Surely You lift me above those who rise up against me; You rescue me from the violent man.

49 Therefore I will give thanks to You among the nations, O LORD, And I will sing praises to Your name.

50 He gives great deliverance to His king, And shows lovingkindness to His anointed, To David and his descendants forever. (NASB)
e-Sword Live.net

I have been reading through the bible. Right now my challenge is reading through the book of Psalm. I am one who gets very frustrated when I feel I can't find the answers to the questions I have been asking for some time. I tend to get impatient because I feel that other things in my life just pile up on top of the things that I already have going on and create more questions and that only causes me to be overwhelmed and confused a lot of the time. Then I came to this chapter in Psalm. From the very first verse God assures me He is my strength. Verse two David writes that God is his Rock and his fortress. I wanted to know more about this. This has always been a favorite verse of mine but I wanted to really delve deep into it and understand it's meaning more. David hid from his enemies for some time. The men of his time would flee to the high rocks of Palastine for safety in a deep dark place where no one could find them. God is like this for us. He is a place we can depend on to be a place of safety, a place we can run to when things get too overwhelming, a place we can go and scream and yell and say what we need to say with no condemnation. Verse nine even says He comes to were we are at. He will take us just as we are and He will love us and be our shield from the world. Does this mean that our world will be perfect and we will never have problems? No, it means that we have a place to go and someone to talk to when things get bad. It means we are not alone.

An Illusive Island

2008-09-05T22:32:00.006-04:00

As I look through my old photos, I laugh and I even cry. Sometimes I cry because I am laughing so hard looking at some of the photos. At different times in my life I may have shown my internal and exteranl struggles through the appearances I chose, though overall most of my childhood I spent as a tomboy.
For many years I went from group to group trying to find my niche. I felt I never would. Sometimes my need to belong brought me to roads of anguish and questioning God's love and questioning what God really meant for my life. It brought me to a point of questioning the dreams I had from the time I was a child of being married and having children of my own. It brought me to a point of questioning my own beliefs. I began to push everyone at least to hands length away from me and become the illusive island God never intended. I was to belong but I needed to see that belonging didn't mean finding a where but a who to belong to.
One need we instinctively have as human beings is to belong. Abraham Maslow, a well known psychologist, even created an entire theory of self actualization with this belief included in it. More important than this though, God knows we have this need.

Romans 7:4
So, my brothers, you also died to the law through the body of Christ, that you might belong to another, to him who was raised from the dead, in order that we might bear fruit to God."

We were created for Him. We do have a place to belong. Some try to belong in a lifestyle. Others try to belong in groups, whether it be through their career path or their vocation. Others try to belong based on whether they are a mom or dad or whether they have a certain amount of money, or a certain fashion style they have taken on, or by the cars they drive. Some even try to belong by the church or the denomination they choose. It isn't going to matter whether it is a group in or outside of a church or an activity we are trying to belong to in the end. I recently read in Straight On Till Morning by Jess "But I know that in the sadness, He really will be faithful. He is teaching me to be deeply content in His Presence - not in a particular group of people or set of activities. He wants my whole heart - and He hasn’t had it for a while. I will continue to step forward - even in the sadness. I’ve grieved before - and I know the way out of it is to simply to keep moving." No matter where we are at we are going to know His prescence. The group is not going to matter. What is going to matter is who our heart belongs to.

Romans 1:6
"And you also are among those who are called to belong to Jesus Christ."

Making my World a Better Place

2008-09-02T18:32:00.011-04:00

When I was 13, one of the most important people in my life passed away. One of my fondest memories of my grandmother is one Sunday afternoon, sitting in a meeting at our church. My grandmother usually observed things around her until something she was so passionate about came up in a discussion. This afternoon, my grandmother began began to speak so boldly and passionately that I will never forget it. The discussion that day was on the youth. It wasn't just the youth of the church though. It was the youth in general. She loved children. She believed in children.
Today is my grandmother's birthday. I still take time to remember the things she taught me on this day. She brought me many happy times by showing me the many simple joys life could bring if we only chose to look at the things God gives us in life. I use to love to listen to stories of things my grandmother would do when she was raising my aunts, uncles, and my father. It taught me how much life was different in history. It also helped me learn things from the past that I wanted to be different in my life in the present and in the future. Today I'd like to share with you from One Day At A Time in AL-ANON once again.

"When our problems enclose us and
saturate our thoughts, we find ourselves
in an isolation that gives us an acute
sense of loneliness. we may confide in
friends, but underneath we feel nobody
understands what we are going through.
Dwelling on our troubles only
shuts out a world that is waiting to be enjoyed.
Nothing has real power to deprive us of the delights
to be found in many daily experiences- even a routine
household task,well done. For those of us who are Fortunate enough to have young lives in our care, we can forget our troubles in loving attention to them and their development. Observing our children is like reading a fascinating and often amusing book!"

"I may have big troubles but I can, if I will, make them less painful
by turning my thoughts to happier things. I will not isolate
myself in my problems. I will observe and enjoy what is good
and pleasant in the world around me. "

"Let me not deprive myself of the many little joys that are mine for the taking."

empahsis mine

I know in many ways my grandmother did many things to make my world a better place for me but now the responsiblity lies upon me to continue that job for me and for those that come after me. Most days I watch T.V. I don't usually see much good, but today as I watched the morning news show, I listened as a musician introduced his new album. He explained how when we choose not to deal with what is inside of us then someone in our life has to whether it be a spouse, a friend, a neighbor, or our children. I thought on this for a moment and realized just how powerful this was. Don't deprive yourself or others of the little joys God is trying to give us in each day. If you have a child take advantage of the time you have with them and see their life for one day as that of a fascinating or amusing book. Take time to see something new and make the world a better place.

Letting Go

2008-08-27T10:49:00.006-04:00

Many times in my life I have had to release and let go of things or people that at the time I thought I never could have imagined doing so. Yesterday morning as I rushed my seven week old puppy to the vet God began to speak to my heart about things in my life that had been very hard for Him to do at one time also. You see, I had only had my puppy for three days and for the majority of those days he had been very sick. As I rushed him to the vets office I told God that I knew I couldn't afford treatment if it was what we had suspected so I would be have to be willing in my heart to give him up to someone who could afford that or I would have to let die and give him back to Him. For those of you who consider your pets your family you understand just how bad this hurt. But as I said this God began to say something to me about also letting go of some of the other things in my life. I wasn't as sure about doing those things since I knew letting go of this puppy would be hard enough if in reality it really came to that. I mean saying something is one thing, but come on, doing it is another.... right? Wrong......with God our word is our bond just as much. Why do you think He made covenants with His people? They are promises. God simply just like with Elijah in 1Kings 19:12-13 spoke in a small whisper to my heart. It was as if He were asking me was I willing to also let go of certain relationships and entrust those people to be taken care of by Him whether I was in there life or not. This was a very hard question for me. Control is an illusion we all want to hold on to because we think it makes us feel safe, but in reality it only makes things worse by not allowing God to do His work in us. He knows what is going to happen and He wants the best for us but we have to make the choice to let Him work. He won't force us. He loves us too much to do that.

Sovereignty

2008-08-19T22:52:00.007-04:00

"It is easy, terrible easy, to shake a

man's faith in himself. To take advantage

of that to break a man's spirit, is devil's work."

(G.B. Shaw: Candida)

The human spirit is a very fragile thing I have found. It can be broken very easily. God has been convicting me a lot lately but I thank Him generously that He has given me discernment to tell the difference between His spirit and that of the world. Words are very powerful things that can break the human spirit within a second. Most of my life I have had an alcoholic in my life in one way or another. Several years ago I began attending Al-anon meetings and I was given a daily devotional book called One Day At A Time in AL-ANON that I read out of today. It reminded me that those people in my life that have hurt me in my past through their alcoholism are still children of God that are still entitled to my respect and consideration each day. Yes they caused pain and hurt but my returning that with contempt for their actions, indignation at the neglect of their obligations, and behavior which destroys their egos will only cause them to be destroyed more and to inflict damage upon ourselves.

Several years ago, I noticed that I was so angry with the things that others had done to me that I was becoming something that I myself couldn't even stand and had always hated. I had been that person who was killing someone else's spirit through my words because of my anger and ended up killing my self inside as well. Today I realized that God was asking me again to take notice to make sure I was not wanting this same thing in my heart again. I had not been doing it. You see I am having to make a lot of decisions that could change my life a lot and in doing so I must ask who else my decisions could affect. Then I must ask if it does affect another, then am I acting out of past feelings or out of what is best for all involved. Then I realized that either way I just needed to continue to pray, Listen, and wait for God to answer. The rest is in His hands. I can no longer focus on the reactions or actions of others. I can only make a decision and realize that His plan will still either way come into existence because He has what is best for me in mind somewhere in there. He is a sovereign God who is in control and knows what is going to happen.

Please Let Go

2008-08-14T20:27:00.003-04:00

The following poem was written as I continue to ponder and struggle upon the things in my life which I am trying to work on in my life.... The things I am trying to let go of or hope will let go of me. This may be old patterns or people or addictions but no matter what it is I lay it all at the Heavenly Father's feet and pray that He alone will help me sort through it and show me the plan He has for my life.

My mane is flowing in the wind

My legs are running wild and free

I have so much energy and happiness

The wind is blowing in my face

The air is clear and crisp in my nostrils as I breathe

The clouds travel slowly above my head

I think in my mind it could never stop

I want to believe it

I want to know this could be a part of me of who I am

Then the moment comes that brings it crashing down

They come into my thoughts or into my life for that moment

They put the chains back upon this heart of mine

They just can’t see it

They just don’t recognize the pain they bring

They just don’t want to stop the cycle of abuse which has killed the spirit for centuries

It’s as if they love the misery they bring to others

Because it brings them a comfort which is recognizable

And an anchor to their illusion of control

Please let me go

I am slowly chipping at the chains

I must get rid of them to have a life of freedom

I can’t live like this

I can’t live a life of pain and misery

©achelms2008

I have been tagged...

2008-08-14T14:05:00.006-04:00

Recently I was tagged by a dear friend of mine, Carol Davis, who sent me the following message:

"I went to an amazing conference a couple of months back

and had the opportunity to be taught by some of the

leaders of women's ministry today. Once such is Micca Campbell.

I just can't tell you what an encouragement she has been to me.

Today... she tagged me! So, I guess that means I am it! In

blogger language, it means you have to tag others and

play by the rules. So here goes my first attempt!!!

I always love a good game!!!"

Link to the person who tagged you
Post the rules on your blog
Write 6 random things about yourself
Tag 6 people at the end of your post and link to them
Let each person know they have been tagged and leave a comment on their blog
Let the tagger know when your entry is up

Now for six random things about myself:

I love to travel and my dream vacation is either to Italy or to go on a camping vacation straight across the entire USA.
The biggest piece of art I have ever been asked to do is to draw a photo for the President of Liberia and I am still working on it to this day.
I have a spinal disorder which God has used to slow my life down and show me who He really is as my Poppi.
My favorite food is shrimp. I could probably eat them for every meal every day of the week some times. I love them that much.
I love to cook for people on an occasional special basis.
I have a WONDERFUL nine year old niece that I have had the pleasure of raising or taking a big part in raising and I love her very much.

Now here are six of my favorite bloggers and I hope that you enjoy and are blessed by them as well.

Kelly Tyler - An amazing friend and inspiration during my time of recovery in the hospital and during my time in a wheelchair and dealing with the struggles of my body.
Josh and Tasha Via - Amazing musicians that attend my church a lot. Their heart for God is incredible.
Andrew Cherry - Andy is a great guy and amazing singer. He is the worship leader at our new Monroe Campus for Southbrook Community Church . Andy has recently decided to give all his music to Christ rather than trying to split his interest. To read more about his music and this part of him go to this blog at Andy's My Space page.
Dan Rutty - Dan is an great guy and amazing singer. He is the worship leader at our Central Campus for Southbrook Community Church .
Seth Barnes - Seth writes a blog of adventures to share God's love in a radical way around the globe. It challenges me each day to live my life differently in the world I do live in right here where I am at the present moment where God has placed me.
Clayton King - I absolutely love to hear this man speak and to read his blogs! He is so passionate about God. He is also very real and straightforward. He doesn't sugarcoat things.

Well these are some of my favorite blogs. I must say a big thank you to Carol for the opportunity to be tagged. Carol is an old college friend who I recently was able to find again on the internet and am so thankful to God for that opportunity as well.

"I thank my God every time I remember you."

Philippians 1:3

Smokey The Bear Met Jesus

2008-08-12T16:53:00.009-04:00

This past Sunday I had a blast teaching the k-5 class at church. I think I am starting to get the hang of this again. It still just wears my body out some. No shocker there after what my body has been through recently. Anyway, we were discussing "Kind Words". As I began to review the lesson several times in the weeks before I kept having things come back to me that I had done during my childhood. One of those things that came up was the memories of when I learned of Smokey the Bear. Now you ask why would "Why would Smokey the Bear come up?" Well, it all began we I was reading in

James 3:5-6

"In the same way, the tongue is a small thing

that makes grand speeches.

But a tiny spark can set a great forest on fire.

And the tongue is a flame of fire."

It was like Smokey and Jesus met and both of them said "Don't play with fire!"

I wanted to show this to the children in a very real way so I incorporated a game named for something that God absolutely abhors to get my point across. We played "Gossip". We passed the message around the room. The kids were so good at the game though that the message got passed perfectly. Our message was "Jesus loves you". So to get my message about the power of how powerful words can be good and bad I asked them what would happen if one side of the room had been one half of the world and the other half had been the other half of the world and I had right in the middle decided to slip in two small words like satan does sometimes and put in the words "never will". I explained how one half of the world would never understand how Christ really does love them all because of two small words that someone decided to say.

Now think about this for a moment because this is what we do every day when we say one small word. We throw one small spark out or play with those matches like Smokey told us not to as a kid. Our tongues become a weapon against someone that could cost them their eternal life.

Psalm 64:3

says

"They sharpen their tongues like swords

and aim their bitter words like arrows."

I know I have found many times in my life where I felt as if I were the Last Samarai throwing around the sword, I used my tongue so much to hurt others because I was hurt or bitter or angry. But I see now it still hasn't changed anything. I sure it did hurt someone else in some way though. Saying kind words is not always easy especially when the other person is not being Katie or Keith kindness, but this is when I need to practice it the most because this is may who need it the most at that moment.

Bedtime Stories

2008-08-08T19:05:00.006-04:00

When we think of bedtime stories we usually want to think of fantasies that are read to us or told to us to get us to go to sleep at night. We want to think of something that is comforting and soothing. Sleeping at night is something I have had trouble doing off and on for some time now. It is just something that has always been a constant with me. Well recently I have really been trying to work on my sleep patterns. This morning I could not figure out though why God would send me to Psalms 4 to read as a story to read for today. You see I have been slowly reading through the Bible but this morning I read in Psalms 1-4 but Chapter 4 stuck to me like glue. I began to go online to e-sword.net which is a free Bible study software. God began showing a little more about these verses:

"Answer me when I call to you, o my righteous God.

Give me relief from my distress; be merciful to me and hear my

prayer.

How long, O men, will you turn my glory into shame?

How long will you love delusions and seek false gods?

Know that the Lord has set apart the godly for himself;

the Lord will hear when I call to him.

In your anger do not sin; when you are on your beds,

search your hearts and be silent.

Offer right sacrifices and trust in the Lord.

Many are asking, "Who can show us any good?"

Let the light of your face shine upon us, O Lord,

You have filled my heart with greater joy

than when their grain and new wine abound.

I will lie down and sleep in peace, for you alone, O Lord,

make me dwell in safety.

Now you see in this bedtime story David is being chased by Absalom and lots of men wanting to kill him. I don't know about you but that wouldn't make my day much less my night soothing. But the more I read the more I realized that God was trying to tell me that if I wanted to be soothed that I was going to have to do some work and actually trust Him enough to let go of some things so that I could actually relax. You see in this passage David was being chased and he points out to the people by asking them "Just how long are you going to try to take my glory and turn it into shame?" His point was that no matter how hard they tried God's plan was going to prevail and their efforts eventually would be in vain and he believed this without a doubt. David had such confidence in God's power and God's plans for him that he rested easy at night no matter how many men were out there in the dark looking for him wanting to shred him to little pieces. His fears did not rule his life or take away his slumber at night. He wanted them to see that they could run after many things in life materially or by running after their false gods but all of this would be in vain in the end. David begins to point out his own joys and the many times God has been there in the past. He cries to God and ask for the same kinds of mercies once again.

I know God has many times given me a peaceful gentle sleep. I know there are many things I need to release into His hands today so that I can have that peace again. More importantly... Knowing the confidence in God's power and His plan for me is what I truly want to not just know but want to experience today.

Many Roads

2008-08-03T18:25:00.014-04:00

My life has taken me many roads. I guess that is one reason this one subject has repeatedly been laid upon my heart recently. Let me first say that I am in no way asking anyone to deny their beliefs. I am in no way asking anyone to stop serving God. I am actually asking you to do just the opposite. In my life I have had the pleasure of reading many books like In His Steps by Charles M. Sheldon, which inspired me very much in how I looked at and treated others whether I knew who they were or not. Another book that really was great to read was an amazing book by Phillip Yancey titled What's So Amazing About Grace? (The Visual Edition). Even in reading a book, one never really understands what this is like until one choses to do something for someone they normally do not know or do something for on a daily basis. The more I thought about this recently, I realized that sometimes man chooses to do things solely out of doing it alone, or for some selfish gain, or to look good, or to be able to say "Hey I did my part this week.". Only God knows our hearts. Then I began to think a lot deeper on the issue. I began to think about how deep my experiences have taken me and how this has impacted my thoughts about the people around me and how I see that I should be serving Christ on a daily basis loving those around me. When I look at the world I know there are people not like me. I know there are gangs, I know there are drug users, drug dealers, prostitutes, homosexuals, straights, transgenders, bi-sexuals, homeless people, blacks, whites, hispanics, rich, poor, fat, skinny, you name it and I know it. Who doesn't? I have experienced almost every single person in that list in one way or another on a very personal level. Due to this I have realized that going into a situation I have now got to get rid of all stereotypes, biases, predjudices, and any preconceived thoughts or feelings. I can't assume someone is rich or poor and when I get there I can't treat them as if they are rich are poor. They are just human. You see Christ knew EVERYTHING about the people He met but not once did He say "Hey I am going to that party at Zach's house," and treat Zacchaeus any better than the other people's homes He visited just because Zacchaeus had money. He didn't love the lepers any less than He loved those who had no disease what so ever. I guess my point is this... Christ loved everyone regardless. He walked into situations with no biases or preconceived thoughts or feelings about the situations. He had one purpose and that was to do His Father's work. That should be our job is to do His work the way He did it.

Boundaries

2008-07-31T23:58:00.003-04:00

Do you ever do something really good for yourself and then feel really guilty afterwards? I do this all the time. The guilt feelings usually come when I begin to think about what someone else is going to say or think though. This is usually how I know there is some toxicity in this relationship and that I need to set some type of boundaries there. I had several experiences like this recently. I have been repeatedly trying to learn boundaries but I am not always good at it. I like to do things for other people and in the past I have tended to sway toward being a people pleaser. I don't like it when others get mad at me or disappointed in me. I don't like the feeling it gives me. Anyway recently I was encouraged to stand up for myself and be honest about my feelings with someone and to set some boundaries so that futures situations would be different and possibly better for us. When I began I was very scared. I was nervous but this was something I wanted to do and felt I really should do if I was going to break a toxic pattern I have always had in my life of bad friendships and relationships. I need to learn how to have good ones. I felt like I was doing something really good for myself. To some degree I also felt I was in some ways doing something good for the other person involved also. This feeling went away very quickly. You see, we can't control other people and we can't control their responses and reactions to us or what we say. I think I learned this more than ever last night. I felt horrible after saying what I needed to because of the expressions I got when I looked across the room but I had to logically think about what I had just done and the boundaries I had set for myself. Someone in the room with me said "This person cares enough about you to be honest with you..." That only confirmed to me and got me back to the track of thinking that I needed to see what I had done was loving someone else and that is what mattered. I now know I may still struggle some with boundaries but I also know that my focus must be on loving the person enough to be honest and loving myself enough to be honest and set a boundary to take care of myself so I can give the best of me their is to give. I know it now I just have to go out and try to slowly do it each day until it can become an everyday part of me.

Just as I am

2008-07-27T14:41:00.009-04:00

Ok, how many of you have met someone and the first thing you ask in your mind is "Are they going to accept me 'Just as I am'?" We don't want people in our life who are going to try to change us; yet at the same time, we find ourselves in a self loathing lifestyle of pleasing others, and end up not liking the person we have become in order to make something of ourselves that we perceive they may like. To quote Sheila Walsh again today, she said, "I often think that I could be godly if if it weren't for other people!... That's why God offers us the power of the Holy Spirit, so that we can choose to live and love differently." I think that what most people really do not understand is that when we accept Christ as our savior, we have a direct connection with the Father by the Holy Spirit living in us. He does accept us Just as we are. I use to have such a hard time accepting that if I were angry I could express this directly to God. Oh... That is an unacceptable emotion to show to God, right? NOT! I have learned that God became angry also. Jesus became very angry when He saw the tax collectors in the temple. The difference comes in what we do with anger. It took a long time but I slowly began to express my anger to God, telling him a little at a time if I became angry at something. I noticed that the more I shared my feelings with God, the more I could be honest with Him about other things as well and I began to talk to Him more. I was able to live and love differently. I stopped trying to hold back who I really was and give Him who I thought He wanted. I instead gave Him who I really am and began to learn who He really is and now am able to Love a whole lot differently.

Taking off the Mask

2008-07-25T22:59:00.023-04:00

Masks... We all wear them at one time or another. I am currently reading and working through a workbook called
Embracing God's Design For Your Life by Sheila Walsh. I have been working through this book for quite some time so that I could take my time on it and really be honest when giving my answers. I am currently working through a chapter about letting go of our mask. For a long time I held so tightly to my mask. They were my safest place to be. They became so "safe" in fact I questioned who I even was because I had so many of them. The problem with our mask is that they are really not a safe place at all. They are rather a wall that we have built between ourselves and the world and ourselves and God thinking and believing we may not get hurt. The question is "What would it take for us to really be transparent?" Sheila Walsh writes:

"When we are willing to stand in our brokenness and let the light of Christ shine through our lives, the good news is preached to the poor in spirit, the blind can see the truth, and the lame and wounded can walk again."

When have we been so willing to be vulnerable and transparent that it has allowed us to serve as a bridge for another's pain? Every week I attend a meeting once a week with several other women. It isn't easy. It is one of the hardest things I think I've ever done. Some weeks I even hate it! But several years ago, I made a choice that I no longer wanted to wear the mask that hid all that stuff on the inside of me. I am the first to say right now, "No, all my mask have not just disappeared." It still amazes me though just how many people can see me and treat me differently just because they know I go to a meeting like this or because they I know struggle with this disease. My mask and fears combined with their actions only continue the lack of brokenness Christ calls to have so that his mission may be fulfilled. and those hurting and in pain can come and be comforted. Today think about what it would cost to take off a mask and then think about the fact that God calls each of us to encourage one another and share in one another's sufferings.

"Praise be to God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ. God is the Father who is full of mercy and all comfort. He comforts us every time we have trouble, so when others have trouble, we can comfort them with the same comfort God gives us. We share in the many sufferings of Christ. In the same way, much comfort comes to us through Christ. If we have troubles, it is for your comfort and salvation, and if we have comfort, you also have comfort. This helps you to accept patiently the same sufferings we have. Our hope for you is strong, knowing that you share in our sufferings and also in the comfort we receive."

2 Corinthians 1:3-7(NCV)

Beauty

2008-07-24T23:27:00.009-04:00

My first oil painting... I will never forget creating it. Have you ever had something you wanted to be so perfect but knew no matter how hard you tried it never would be that all impossible word to reach,"perfect". I gave my all though and in the end I felt very satisfied with it. As I look around me and see the many things God made,I wonder what it must have felt like to Him the very moment He finished, the very moment it was all untouched by anything or anyone. To stand before a creation as small as a painting is an amazing thing so I can not imagine standing with the earth in the palm of my hands and gazing at it and seeing it's beauty before it was touched by man.

Two weeks ago I had the opportunity to help a friend of mine teach a Sunday morning children's class at my church. I had not worked with children in a long time other than my niece so it was an experience. It was great though. We talked about God's creation and how beautiful it is. We also talked a lot about taking care of things that mean a lot to us. God gave us this earth as a gift to take care of and commanded us to do this in Genesis. We on the other hand decide everyday whether or not to do this by the choices we make. We hear all the commercials and the celebrities talk constantly about Going Green but what does it really mean to us. What does it mean to take care of the beauty God has given us?

Plant a tree that will shade your house as well as reduce the need for air conditioning.
Participate in your community's recycling program and recycle all you can.
Combine short car trips, or use a bicycle or walk instead.
Improve your home's energy efficiency by adding insulation and caulking, and regularly cleaning heating and air conditioning filters.
Compost yard trimmings and food waste in a backyard compost bin. Don't bag grass clippings - either leave them on the lawn or compost them.
When buying paint, cleaners or other chemicals, buy only what you need and use what you buy.
Practice water conservation - install a low flow shower head or make an Earth Day pledge to take shorter showers.
Use compact fluorescent lights to conserve up to 75 percent of the energy consumed by incandescent bulbs.
Purchase durable goods and choose products made with recycled materials and with minimal or recyclable packaging.
Have your name removed from mailing lists.

These are just some ways to express to God that you appreciate His gift to us.

You can lead'm to the water

2008-07-22T18:08:00.008-04:00

"One day Peter and John were going up to the temple at the time of prayer-at three in the afternoon. Now a crippled man from birth was being carried to the temple gate every day to beg from those going into the temple courts. When he saw Peter and John about to enter, he asked them for money. Peter looked straight at him, as did John. Then Peter said " Look at us!" So the man gave them attention, expecting to get something from them.

Then Peter said,"Silver or gold I do not have, but what I have I give you. In the name of Jesus Christ of Nazareth, walk." Taking him by the right hand, he helped him up, and instantly the man's feet and ankles became strong. He jumped to his feet and began to walk. Then he went with them into the temple courts, walking and jumping, and praising God. "

Acts 3:1-10

A first glance at this story one would think it is a great story with a wonderful happy ending. Look deeper though. First let me say, there is something wonderful here. A man was healed and can walk through a miracle due to the faith of the apostles. Now look closer. This man, the beggar was brought to the temple every day by his friends. The temple... A place where you think he or someone would have thought "Hey lets have some faith to pray for this man and over this man and believe he can be healed." But instead he sat there everyday. He sat and asked for money. He asked for things that had no bearing on his life really. Yeah, money gets us things we want, but if he wanted those things so bad then why didn't he ask for those or for a way to get them. I mean it says he did expect something when Peter and John called him to look up at them. He had some type of expectation sitting there. It is very apparent though that he didn't set that expectation for his fellow man or himself high enough though. His friends could take him to the temple but they couldn't make him ask for the things he really needed.

When I read this story it made me think. Do I set my expectations high enough? Do I believe i can be healed and do I ask for it instead of depending on others to do it and other things for me. I received an email today that had this comment in it "I believe ... that our background and circusmstances may have influenced who we are, but, we are responsible for who we become." The beggar was crippled from birth. He didn't know anything different from that but he had seen all those around him walking so I am sure he may have wondered what it would be like. He may have had some self pity, but it never gives us an excuse to set the bar low. It never gives us an excuse to not engage in life. There are things that happen to all of us that take things away from us or hurt us but the circumstances of life can't be used as excuses to set life out if we are going to have the life God truly intended us to have. We must make a choice to set the expectations high for others and ourselves.

Having Wings

2008-07-21T22:04:00.006-04:00

"He gives strength to the weary and increases the power of the weak. Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint."

Do you ever have those moments that you are just so tired and so weary and so exhausted from daily living that you think, "Even if I do pray, I don't know what I am going to say." I had a moment like that today. Things have been going fairly well for me lately overall, but these last few days for me have been what feels like non-stop for some reason. If it isn't for catching up on homework, then I am constantly cleaning up a mess I have made, my puppy has made, or someone who has visited my house has made and left there. I have also been busy babysitting, spending time with my niece, getting appointments in that I need to get taken care of , helping others get their appointments taken care of and running errands for people who are busy during the day when most businesses are open.

Daily life just sometimes seems to over take us. I don't seem to take or get the time to sit and just breathe sometimes even though I really should. Even though I was slowed down quite a bit due to my spinal disorder several years ago I still keep fairly busy. I try harder now to get that time though. My mind doesn't always slow down though. This is where the weariness catches up to me sometimes and wears me down and makes me tired. Today I was really tired. Things felt like they were going about three times the speed that my body was going. By six or seven tonight I couldn't really think clearly. All I could say was Okay God" I'm weak, so this is your strongest of all times in me. Please help." I just couldn't get anything else out. The good thing about God though is that He is not like us. He knows exactly what I meant and what I needed at that moment and overall. He lifts us on wings like eagles. They will run and not grow weary. I don't know about you guys but I don't usually fly. Also when I use to run, it definitely was a tiring event. The thing is though that I have also been reading in Acts where Luke writes how after Christ rose from the dead He stayed with the apostles for many days so that no one could dispute He was really there first of all but that He wanted to let them know how He was going to leave the Holy Spirit here with us to guide us and comfort us and speak for us. You see, when I couldn't speak tonight, it was okay because the spirit spoke for me. The Father still got what I needed to say. Isn't that cool? That alone helps me feel like I am gracefully soaring like an eagle free in the sky.

"I'll never be like my parent!"

2008-07-17T22:40:00.002-04:00

When I was growing up I constantly said I would never be like my parents. I don't have my own kids so I can't say whether my kids will be like me or not. I do know that I catch my self sometimes saying the same things my mom use to say to me as a kid like

" Eat good food before you can have any of that dessert; or stop jumping on the furniture because it's not a jungle gym at the park; or if you get out of bed everyday then you must brush your teeth, change your panties, and put on deoderant everyday because this is not an option to choose yes or no from."

I can't remember a lot about when I was a little girl but before my mom died four years ago she let me know that my niece reminded her of me. This was not a good thing to her in some ways but to me it was a compliment. You see all those things I listed above are things I find myself saying to my niece. She is now nine years old. Before I moved recently, I helped raise her for five years. The things she brings to my life are amazing.

This week I had the pleasure of keeping her at my house. We don't do much when we are here but the time we spend together is so important to both of us. Sometimes I feel like I am talking to a little adult. She can be so independent and stubborn at times which can be challenging but when I get past it and really look at it I don't mind it as much. I like when she thinks for herself and stands up for herself. I grew up saying I didn't want to be like my parent. I find that in some ways I am like my earthly parent by saying things she said, but more than this I find that I want more to be like my heavenly Father and I pray that she too will want to be like Him and that her stubborness will help her to stand for Him.